Consequences

For some reason in today's time people seem to think that they can act however they please. They live how they want to live, taking what they want without thought of who they are hurting. Sometimes even knowing the pain they will cause but not caring. Then they blame other people for their actions. I guess inside it makes it easier for them to live with their own mistakes and themselves.

Maybe some people don't have the capability to look into their own lives and actually see the truth?

It seems to me like they are able to look back and lump their mistakes into one big happening. They forget to look back at their situation day by day. Action by action. Every mistake has a consequence. You never know when the time to pay the piper will come. Some mistakes catch up to you very quickly. Other's you pay for over and over again. And some even still will haunt you years later.

The flesh gets angry when this happens. We try to defend ourselves. What I've learned at the sweet age of 41 is to embrace those consequences no matter how hard they may be. I know the wrong decisions I've made and even though it's over for me, and I'm truly sorry for what I done it's not over for those I hurt. They are still battling the pain, trying to cope with it as it pops up and haunts them in their own lives.

Sometimes we feel that we deserve more than we really do. Should everything in our life be like it was before? I mean honestly should it?

When mistakes are so big they break up marriages, break hearts, confuse families, and abandon children people surely cannot continue to blame the family that isn't ready to forgive yet. Those that are still hurting.

We all know what the word of God says about forgiveness but you know what? Each person comes to that in their own time. You can't be so self righteous as to believe for one moment that an "I'm sorry" will just fix everything and turn things around to like they were before. Not everyone gets to have their cake and eat it too.

You also can't justify the wrong you did. Period. There is a right way and a wrong to handle things. When you knowingly choose the wrong path the consequences will be harder. I think Christianity is a huge cause of this sin and repent behavior. People are almost taught that no matter how bad they mess up whether by mistake or choice there are no consequences they only have to say "I'm sorry" or "forgive me".

In writing this I'm speaking from some experience. I'm not pointing fingers. I've made some big mistakes of my own, which is why I can say what I'm saying. I see the pain I've caused in many people although in one person especially. I see how the mistake I made years ago still effects them. They aren't purposely trying to punish me, they are simply trying to heal from the pain I knowingly caused. To recover from the choices I made. Forgiveness isn't a one time deal. It's something you often have to do daily, for the same person, for the very same reason, every day, because our flesh is bold and strong.

I'm thankful that our Lord loves us unconditionally. I'm thankful He doesn't remember once we've confessed our sins and sorrow for making the decisions we did. We also have to forgive ourselves. Yet even still, we never have the right to be angry at the ones we hurt. Those are the consequences of our mistakes. We have to learn to deal with and live with those. I'm sorry doesn't fix things. If we could figure out how to teach that lesson to our growing children we might see a new generation.

So Indecisive and Yet so Sure

May has flown by. I've enjoyed tons of fresh Strawberries. I'll hate to see them go. I have two fresh gallons now waiting for me to cap and make homemade jam, beverages, and desserts. Yummy. :)

Today I helped a close friend paint her new shop she is opening in July. I am so swollen and sore but had a great time.

School for Meadow is over in 2 days. Let the summer begin.

Tomorrow I find out where I place in the RN program at ITT out of 30 students. I'd made up my mind that I was not going back. Now, I think it depends on where I place. I'll be sure to update and let everyone know.

I'm thinking of teaching. It's what I really wanted to do in nursing anyway. Get my Master's so I could teach. But right now who knows. I'm taking the summer off.

I am working out of my home for a company now. I'm just getting it off the ground but at the same time I'm job hunting. Looking for anything really. Dental Assisting, retail, wherever. If my home business takes off I'll just stay home and help my friend Kimmie with her new store that I mentioned above.

The Lord is wooing me. I feel Him nudging me, calling me back to Him. I've been so lost and so backslidden. I'm so bitter towards churches. So confused on denomination. I'm praying again, reading His word, remembering to listen for Him direction. I know I have some serious prayer warriors praying for me. Thank-you. Thank-you so much. Through my depression and medications it's been a numbing experience and feeling conviction just disappeared for a long time. I've said many times I've just been wandering. All that wander are not lost. Yet, that is what I've felt. Unsettled. I'm so grateful to feel convicted for things. I'm on a journey. I have no idea where I'm headed but God does. He is in control.

I'm not looking back. I'm looking forward. I know there are great things coming.

Forgive me Father. Strengthen me to persevere. Lead, guide and direct me. I desire to be in Your perfect will.

Jude 1 King James Bible

---

Greetings from Jude

Jude, the servant of Jesus Christ, and brother of James, to them that are sanctified by God the Father, and preserved in Jesus Christ, and called: Mercy unto you, and peace, and love, be multiplied.

God's Judgment on the Ungodly

Beloved, when I gave all diligence to write unto you of the common salvation, it was needful for me to write unto you, and exhort you that ye should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints. For there are certain men crept in unawares, who were before of old ordained to this condemnation, ungodly men, turning the grace of our God into lasciviousness, and denying the only Lord God, and our Lord Jesus Christ.

I will therefore put you in remembrance, though ye once knew this, how that the Lord, having saved the people out of the land of Egypt, afterward destroyed them that believed not. And the angels which kept not their first estate, but left their own habitation, he hath reserved in everlasting chains under darkness unto the judgment of the great day. Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.

Likewise also these filthy dreamers defile the flesh, despise dominion, and speak evil of dignities. Yet Michael the archangel, when contending with the devil he disputed about the body of Moses, durst not bring against him a railing accusation, but said, The Lord rebuke thee. But these speak evil of those things which they know not: but what they know naturally, as brute beasts, in those things they corrupt themselves. Woe unto them! for they have gone in the way of Cain, and ran greedily after the error of Balaam for reward, and perished in the gainsaying of Core. These are spots in your feasts of charity, when they feast with you, feeding themselves without fear: clouds they are without water, carried about of winds; trees whose fruit withereth, without fruit, twice dead, plucked up by the roots; Raging waves of the sea, foaming out their own shame; wandering stars, to whom is reserved the blackness of darkness for ever.

And Enoch also, the seventh from Adam, prophesied of these, saying, Behold, the Lord cometh with ten thousands of his saints, To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are ungodly among them of all their ungodly deeds which they have ungodly committed, and of all their hard speeches which ungodly sinners have spoken against him. These are murmurers, complainers, walking after their own lusts; and their mouth speaketh great swelling words, having men's persons in admiration because of advantage.

A Call to Persevere

But, beloved, remember ye the words which were spoken before of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ; How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts. These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the Spirit. But ye, beloved, building up yourselves on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Ghost, Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. And of some have compassion, making a difference: And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.

Doxology

Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.

Hard Things

You know, many things in life are hard. There are different kinds of hard too. Right now my hard thing is RN School. I'm flabbergasted. I'm overwhelmed.

I'm one month in. This week is my fourth week.

I had heard people speak of nursing school. I had heard their horror stories. I thought I had prepared. I was sure to take every single class I could ahead of time. I only have my nursing core left. I don't believe I'll be full-time but one semester in two years.

Boy was I wrong.

Since week one there has been this overwhelming pressure to perform. At first it was math tests. You have three chances or you're out. We lost several. I had to test 3 times. That 3rd time was so nerve wracking.

This week we begun real assessments. We had two today. I was so nervous I had sweat dripping from my nose and my eye lashes, continuously dripping. I'm still waiting for my grades.

I have a 6 chapter test on Wednesday.

I have a 9 or 10 chapter test on Thursday.

We will have 3 more assessments on Monday. Harder than those two we done today.

My back hurts. Really hurts. I didn't raise my bed high enough. I can barely stand. I'll never forget to raise the bed again, not EVER!

God had mercy on me by providing me with Tuesdays off. Thank-You Lord for that sweet day of mercy.

At one time I had said that if I didn't make it through this semester I would go back until I did.

Today I decided that isn't the case. If I fail my first semester I won't go back. I don't think I can live through it again! I won't quit. I'll give it my all. I know I CAN do HARD things. I just never dreamed it would be this hard. I pray I pass.

On the way home from my mom and dad's tonight and after many tears, all I could do was praise the Lord and thank Him for this beautiful night. The cool, crisp, fall air. The many, many stars in the sky. The praise and worship on the radio. Thank-You Lord for this break! Thank-You Lord for this peace, this beautiful world. This life. Life as I knew it before nursing school. :)

Thank-You for this opportunity in nursing school. You will be the ONLY thing that gets me through. It's only through Christ that I can do all things. I pray this is Your will. I have and will give it my all. My blood, sweat and tears. Your will be done.

In Jesus name I pray.

And I've only just begun. I've heard that slow and steady win the race. I won't give up. I will not quit.

What I'm Reading Now

I'll share some as I get further into this. So far, it's great!

The Nicene Creed

Traditional Wording

I believe in one God,
the Father Almighty,
maker of heaven and earth,
and of all things visible and invisible;

And in one Lord Jesus Christ,
the only begotten Son of God,
begotten of his Father before all worlds,
God of God, Light of Light,
very God of very God,
begotten, not made,
being of one substance with the Father;
by whom all things were made;
who for us men and for our salvation
came down from heaven,
and was incarnate by the Holy Ghost
of the Virgin Mary,
and was made man;
and was crucified also for us under Pontius Pilate;
he suffered and was buried;
and the third day he rose again
according to the Scriptures,
and ascended into heaven,
and sitteth on the right hand of the Father;
and he shall come again, with glory,
to judge both the quick and the dead;
whose kingdom shall have no end.

And I believe in the Holy Ghost the Lord, and Giver of Life,
who proceedeth from the Father [and the Son];
who with the Father and the Son together
is worshipped and glorified;
who spake by the Prophets.
And I believe one holy Catholic and Apostolic Church;
I acknowledge one baptism for the remission of sins;
and I look for the resurrection of the dead,
and the life of the world to come. AMEN.