Brrrr, Baby It's Cold Outside

I've had this blog for so long I often wonder how many times I have repeat my titles. Year after year, season after season there are so many catch phrases and favorite songs in my heart that I know I must duplicate myself. I've decided that I'm okay with that. When the Lord repeats Himself to me it is for conformation. That is a great thing so for me, if I repeat myself then just know it was worth repeating - to me.....or else I just forgot about the first go round, hence, the blog.

The blog.

The Journal.

Small details of my life. And believe me, even though I've been blogging since 2007, very little of me, my life, my family and my friends are captured here. I love that I have some sort of record of my life but I do wish that I had the time or took the time to share a little more. The one thing I hope is that one day my children, grandchildren and even great and great great grandchildren will be able to look back and get somewhat of a feel of the lives we live.

I hope that the love shines forth more than the struggles.

I hope that the Lord shines through most of all.

I've been missing Him lately. We aren't in church anywhere right now and even though I say that you do not have to be in church to love and serve the Lord, unless you are very dedicated it's easy to stop praying, talking, asking and thanking.

This past year has brought a lot of hatred into my heart. As you read through my blog the beginnings were of my deliverance. Now it seems I've become entangled again with the bondage the Lord set me free of.

So many people being cruel. So many accusations. Remembering at 42 that life is not fair. It's not about what you deserve. Innocent people are found guilty. Many lives are ruined due to the cruelty of others. I've never understood it. I've always tried to good unto others, to be forgiving, to help in any way I could.

I love friends. I have some great friends but one lesson I forgot was that there are wolves in sheep's clothing. Sometimes the friend you trust the most is the meanest, ugliest, liars in the world. You can't see it though because you are blinded, blinded so that all you see is a false good, and you hear false truths from their lips. And you are not their only victim. You fall so far from where you were, making horrible decisions, getting caught up in the lies thinking somehow that you are special. That you mean more to them than anyone in the world.

Lies.

You bare your heart and soul to them only to be exposed, used, hurt, mangled and not only you but all of those you love are hurt too.

You knew God's word.

You didn't obey.

You strengthened your flesh and abandoned your faith.

Mistakes. Some of the worst mistakes of your life and you can't take them back. Then the hate sets in. Hatred because you were a fool. Hatred because you didn't obey. Hatred because you believed someone to be something they absolutely were not and never will be.

You beg God for forgiveness. You know He forgives and forgets but can you ever forgive yourself? You have to, sometime on a daily basis. The only way I know to survive is to obey more than ever. To turn from those people and those sins and never look back.

You have to muster up the strength in God to pray for them, to pray blessing upon them. Sadly you wish they didn't know what they did but they do. They know. They are evil and they choose. It was a plot, a plan, it was premeditated.

It's a huge battle. A spiritual war.

I let down my guard some time ago. Actually years ago. I've suffered and those I love have suffered many consequences. Even now they still come and I am sure there will be more to bare.

It's easy to blame them but I am the one who allowed them to mislead me. I gave in to sin. I have to take responsibility for my actions.

I praise God that I am forgiven.

I'm forgiven now.

I'm putting my armor back on.

I'm praying for the Lord to fill me with Love. His love. The only thing that drives out fear and hatred is HIS LOVE.

It's cold outside. Tomorrow school is on a two hours delay. I know many times my blog words blur. I branch off from one thing to another. The things I speak of today happened years ago. It is this last year, the year of 2013 that I truly reaped much of what I sewed. This is when the anger overtook me. The anger was so bad I almost had a breaking point. I almost let it take me down. I was rock bottom. The Lord pursued me with a vengeance. How I love my Father. Thank-You Lord for NOT letting me go. You could have, you had every reason to, I turned my back on You and you could have given me over to myself but You did not. I praise You for that.

Lead us Lord. Lead my husband. Bring us back to You and allow to surpass the place that we were onto serving others and loving others in Your name. Lead us and show us the way.

1 Peter 1:22  Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart,

1 John 4:7  Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.

Matthew 5:43-48  “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,  so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.  For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?  You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Happy Father's Day 2013

Happy Father's day to all the blogging father's out there.

Today has been a joy filled day of thanking dad's all over the world. My family, mom and dad, nephew, and all three daughter's all went with us to Golden Corral for a Father's Day breakfast for the Father's we have. It was wonderful fellowship, much love, hugs and laughs. A long over due visit and one that we shall have to repeat much sooner than next year.

Later here at home, out in Facebook land and in Blogger world as well - I have enjoyed seeing all the pledges of other's hearts for their own fathers.

My very best friend Melanie's son Caleb - really impressed me with his loving heart and the way that God has so blessed him to communicate himself so well. The following is what he shared today on Facebook.

You know, Father's Day isn't celebrating a day of fathers, but a day of heroes. It isn't celebrating a day of the "provider", but a day of a mentor and friend. Dad's can come in all shapes and sizes: biological fathers, grandfathers, step-dads, or any male figure that has raised and positively influenced the life of a child. A father is the backbone of the family. My dad is one of my hero's because I constantly see him work, and push, and try to be there for his family. He is a disciplinary, someone I can go to for advice, and a friend. Over the years, we have had our disputes like anyone, after all we are *****'s..., He and I both were born with a stubborn head. However, none of that matters. At the end of the day, we still love each other, and we try to make things better. I know that he wants me to do well in life, and I know his position as a parent is to actually be one. I also know my role is to be the child. Thank you dad for all that you do and all the sacrifices you have made. From the times you came and sat with me in the hospital everyday for the first three month's of my life, to showing me how to bait a hook, or showing me how to drive. Word's aren't enough when it comes to all that you are and do for not only me but for you family. Thank you for helping my mom raise me and some of the best siblings a kid could ask for. And a special thank you to Mike White. He is not my biological grandpa, but like I said, father's don't have to be biological. He has been there from day one, and He is my REAL grandpa. Thank you for all that you do. Thanks to every father that has been a hero to a child. Dad, thank you for your guidance and strength in the lord. God is the biggest father of them all, and for you to follow in his footsteps, and lead me in his way...well, that's the best thing that you've probably done for me. I love you dad, and papa, and paw. I am proud to call you my dad and grandpa's! I love y'all. I wish everyone a very HAPPY FATHER'S DAY! (I did omit their last name from this.) 

What a heart on a boy. He is 17 years old going 18. You just don't see this kind of honestly, devotion and love from most 17 year old boys these days. Caleb was born 3 months premature at only 1 lb 14 oz and lost down to 1 lb 7 oz. He spent 3 months in the NICU. Caleb is our miracle child. The Lord strengthened him and called him. Caleb overcame every obstacle and is perfectly healthy today without even one complication.

His heart is bigger than he is.

Always has been.

He's a fighter. A defender himself. Most importantly Caleb loves and he loves hard. Caleb is fast on his way to success already and I am quite positive a Hero to many already that he isn't even aware of.  I want to Thank-you for sharing your heart this Father's Day Caleb. You said everything my heart already felt. May God continue to bless and keep you highly favored. May you grow stronger in your pursuit of Him and in your sharing of His precious gospel. I'm excited to see what the Lord has in store for you and the paths your feet will walk. I ask that He place a hedge of protection around you and your spirit man. I pray that your heart always be after God's own heart and He continue to use you mightily around all of those you greatly influence. I love you Caleb.

And Happy Father's Day again to all of the Father's out there! I pray your day has been as blessed as mine!

Isaiah 61:3

I love this scripture. It touches down to the depths of my soul. My Lord is so full of Splendor, He shows Himself in all of creation. I'm so thankful to be His child.

National Day of Prayer

Up All Night

My nerves have gotten the best of me. My mind wanders, the guilt sets in, I've been battling so much today. I was reading some of my older posts on my closed blog The Red Stain and I came across this passage. Right now the only thing I know is that I feel so far away from my Lord that it hurts. I just want to draw close to Him and find myself knit to Him the way I use to be. I need prayer. I'm going to share this word so I can hopefully wake up tomorrow and read it again. I'm trying to let it sink in. I want God and His word to have an impact on me. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm wandering. I know that not all who wander are lost, but I need direction.

Deliverance from 'Self'

By Frank and Ida Mae Hammond

During our twenty-five years of intense involvement in deliverance ministry we have seen people set free from every sort of bondage: addictions, lust, perversions, unforgiveness, rebellion, hurts, withdrawal, double-mindedness, mental illness, fears, rejection, passivity, doubt, spiritual hindrances, curses and on-and-on. However, we are persuaded that the foremost need for deliverance is deliverance from 'self'. In fact, all bondage is in one way or another an expression of self-bondage.

A person wrapped up in himself is absorbed in his own problems, circumstances, ambitions and feelings. His whole being is concerned with 'self'. Thereby, he disregards the first and greatest commandment: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment' Matt. 22:37.

The devil has a master plan to capture mankind. His plan is the same for every person - imprisonment in self. Self is the devil's chief ally and man's number one enemy. Self thwarts the believer from being a true disciple of Christ. Jesus declared: 'Whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple' Luke 14:33.

Self hinders our living up to our spiritual potential. By being all that we can be in Christ, we become a powerful influence for the Kingdom of God. The devil fears this, so he does all that he can to prevent us from reaching maturity and fulfilling our calling in Christ. The devil's objective is to get the believer so occupied with self that he loses his spiritual saltiness: his ability to influence whatever he contacts. 'Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile; it is thrown out' Luke 14:34,35. Selfishness takes the saltiness out of Christians.

Consider the believer's great potential. The new birth has equipped him with powers of spiritual discernment. He can see the things of the spiritual realm. He can 'see the kingdom of God' John 3:3. In contrast, 'The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned' I Cor. 2:14. 'The god of this age [Satan] has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God' II Cor. 4:4.

The twelve disciples were slow to see their potential in Christ. When Jesus spoke spiritual truth they turned their eyes upon themselves; therefore, He said, 'Do you still not see or understand?...Do you have eyes but fail to see?' Mk.8:17, 18.

In addition to our power to see into the spiritual realm, Jesus further promised us, 'You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses' Acts 1:8. Thus, Spirit-baptized believers have the potential to function in supernatural power. We are given power to heal sickness, cast out demons, speak in new tongues, interpret tongues, prophesy and perform miracles.

After Pentecost, the disciples ministered in the Holy Spirit's power: 'And by the hands of the apostles were many signs and wonders wrought among the people' Acts 5:12. However, some were defeated by selfishness. Ananias and Sapphira coveted and lied, and their lives and ministry ended. Simon, a converted sorcerer, coveted the Holy Spirit's power for personal gain and Peter rebuked him saying, 'You have no part or share in this ministry' Acts 8:21.

Each believer as a member of Christ's spiritual Body, the Church, is required to die to self in order to fulfill the purpose of the Head and function with other parts of the Body. The ministry of the Body is frustrated when members fall into Satan's 'self' trap: either thinking themselves inadequate or superior in comparison with others. (See: I Cor. 12:14-27).

Yes, every demonic problem entails a problem with self. For example: The person wounded by rejection becomes conscious of 'self' because self hurts. Until one becomes secure in God's love, and loves all others, even his enemies, he will remain in bondage to self. Lust is self-gratification and self-indulgence; rebellion isself-rule; guilt is self-accusation; fear is self-concern; resentment is self-vindication; witchcraft is self-advantage; pride is self-exaltation. Every demon that can be named has a synonym name with a 'self' prefix. Therefore, deliverance does not come solely from casting out demons: the self-thing that gives place to demons must also be removed.

Many Bible heroes initially had self-problems, and only after their self-problems were remedied were these men useful to God. Moses was bound by inferiority. He felt unqualified for the ministry to which the Lord called him. Gideon also felt inadequate. He considered himself the least person in all of Israel. David yielded to self-indulgence and committed adultery, but afterward became 'a man after God's own heart'. Isaiah exclaimed, 'Woe is me,! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips'. He felt unworthy to be God's spokesman. Jonah was self-willed. He didn't want to do things God's way. Saul of Tarsus was a self-righteous Pharisee and a persecutor of Christians. But each of these men were delivered from self and greatly used of the Lord. This means that there is hope for each of us!

`They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.' Rev. 12:11

In Revelation 12:11, three spiritual weapons are named by which the Saints are to defeat the devil. First, believers in Jesus Christ can utilize the power inherent in His incorruptible blood. The blood becomes a weapon when we testify what the blood of Jesus has done for us through its justifying, sanctifying, redeeming and atoning power. The devil is put to flight when we remind him that we have taken refuge in the shed blood of Jesus.

The second weapon named is 'the word of their testimony'; namely, 'the testimony of Jesus Christ' Rev. 12:17. We wield the weapon of testimony when we declare who Jesus is: the sinless son of God Who left His throne in glory, became incarnate, was tempted in all ways and yet without sin, Who went to the cross and laid down His life for us sinners, rose from the dead, ascended to His throne at the right hand of the Father and is coming again in power and glory.

The believer's third weapon, death to self, seems a strange weapon indeed. 'And they loved not their own lives even unto death' Rev. 12:11. When understood, this is an especially powerful weapon yet sadly neglected. Jesus overcome the devil. The victory of the cross was assured in Gesthemane when He prayed, 'Father...not as I will, but as you will' Matt. 26:39. Jesus loved not his own life even unto death. He is our example. He showed us that we can defeat the devil with the same weapon. The devil has no advantage over a person who has died to self.

For understanding's sake, suppose that a person is delivered from all oppressing demons. What is left? Only his real self is left. What then must be done with the real self? It must be crucified: taken to the cross and put to death! Only as self dies can Christ come forth in us. Only through death to self can one experience full deliverance.

Satan knows that he is thwarted when a person dies to self in order to live for Christ. Therefore, the devil's strategy is to entice us to set our own agenda and follow selfish pursuits instead of a commitment to God's purposes. We see the devil's strategy very clearly at work in Scripture's two classic examples of temptation: the temptations of Eve and of Jesus. How did the Serpent tempt Eve? He tempted her to set aside God's command and gratify self. What three avenues of temptation did he employ? The same avenues that are stated in I John 2:16 - the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life.

'The woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food' - appealed to the lust of her flesh. 'And [was] pleasing to the eyes' - appealed to the lust of the eyes. 'And desirable for gaining wisdom' - touched pride. See: Genesis 3:6

The devil's three-pronged temptations of Jesus followed exactly the same pattern. (Matthew 4:1-11). He tempted Christ to turn stones into bread in order to gratify the lust of the flesh. He further tempted Jesus through the lust of the eyes by showing Him the kingdoms of the world and their glory and offering them to Him in exchange for His worship. The third temptation appealed to the pride of life: Jesus was urged to leap from the pinnacle of the temple, depending upon angels to catch him, thus making a public display that would draw men's acclaim.

Ever since Eden, Satan has continued to use the same three temptations to draw men and women out of their devotion to God and into self-idolatry.

If Jesus had yielded to any one of these temptations it would have disqualified Him from becoming our Savior. He would have sinned, having abandoned the Father's will in preference to fulfill His own desires. Throughout His earthly sojourn, Jesus spoke and acted only in accord with the Father's will. He never acted independently of the Heavenly Father. In His acceptance of the Cross, He declared, 'Not as I will, but as you will' Matt. 26:39. This is why Jesus could victoriously announce, 'The prince of this world is coming. He has no hold on me' John 14:30.

The Persons of the Godhead never act independently of One Another. Likewise, in order for us to have victory over the devil and his demons, we cannot act independently of God. This is why the Bible tells us in James 4:7, 'Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you'. Submission to God comes through the surrender of one's own will. Only through such surrender can one effectively resist the devil.

Goals for deliverance must go beyond casting out demons. We must identify the devil's schemes and shut the door against him. We must be determined in Christ to keep demons from coming back once they have been driven out. These goals cannot be achieved apart from victory over self. Uncrucified self gives demons an opportunity to take up residence in our lives.

Paul expressed the formula for victory in these words: 'I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me' Gal. 2:20.

To reiterate, every demon is a self-oriented spirit. Any demon, by whatever name described, either pulls down or puffs up the 'self'. When 'self' gets the attention, God is no longer central in one's life. This is why our greatest need for deliverance is deliverance from 'self'. For anyone expecting lasting victory over the devil and evil spirits, the self-life must be crucified and all self-related spirits evicted.

'Anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.' Matt. 10:39
COMMON 'SELF' SPIRITS

Self-pity, Self-accusation, Self-rejection, Self-condemnation, Self-will, Self-rule, Selfishness, Self-deception, Self-seduction, Self-delusion, Self-consciousness, Self-analysis, Self-evaluation, Self-concern, Self-indulgence, Self-gratification, Self-savior, Self-defeat, Self-reproach, Self-concern, Self-criticism, Self-vindication, Self-hatred, Self-flagellation, Self-exaltation, Self-promotion, Self-destruction, Self-reward

Taken from http://www.nemontel.net/~word1/deliverance_from_self.htm

My Newest Blog Discovery

Everyone knows that one of my favorite blogs to read is Katie's Kisses-The Journey. She lives a dream that I once had in my own heart as a child. The great visions that I had I see come true through her. Because of her, I have a heart for Uganda and it's people. I know that the Lord changed my path of going to school to become a Dental Hygienist because He has greater plans to use me over seas as a nurse. I may never be full time like Katie but I will meet her one day. I will see the ground of Uganda and allow the Lord to use me for His people.

A sweet friend of mine shared another blog today on her facebook. As I read it brought to mind Katie and her journey and I realized how many missionaries there are that actually give their lives full time into ministry. When we homeschooled we read many stories of old missionaries that experienced the divine move of God, heard His audible voice, and seen miracles that we only read about in God's word.

It never stopped.

Why yes, I knew this, but..... some how I guess it hadn't sunk in.

I love reading of the journeys that others take that I can only at the present dream of.

Now, I'm not saying that I am not used here and now by and for the Lord but I can admit that I am not totally immersed in Him.

If you want to be stirred. If you want to be fed. Share in the journey of these ladies who have given their all. Pray for these countries that have no medical care. Pray for the children that are sold as sex slaves and that have no hope or future.

Read Life That Matters and you will see what I mean.

Father God awaken us. Create in me a hunger. Draw me close to Thee and use me for Your purposes. Let me be a light that shines. I have several that I see everyday that need You. Open the doors. Prepare their hearts. In Jesus name. Amen.

(All of the blogs in my blog roll column have something to offer, so if you are ever hunting check them out.)

A New Day

It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. - Lamentations 3:22-24

I love the fact that Scripture tells us God's mercies are new every morning. He gives us every day as an opportunity to experience the deep joy of His ever-present mercies, mercies that can reach us no matter how bleak our circumstances.

Worst Day Ever!

Well, maybe not the WORST, but close to it. My time of the month came last night. I had clinicals early this morning and lab this afternoon. I got up at my usual Monday morning routine time of 4:30 am. I felt fine, took a hot shower which felt amazing. Was ready in plenty of time and arrived at my girlfriend's house 20 minutes early, so that I would have time to study for my catheter assessment today.  When I swapped vehicles to ride with Jen I forgot my cell and my catheter supplies. I had no idea.

I went on to clinicals and found myself so busy that I didn't realize I had bled all over myself. It was bad. I would have gone home but I had rode with Jen and there wasn't enough time to get me back to her to her house to get my car. So, another friend got me a change of clothes and I went on to lab. I had studied and was prepared, so I went first, I had borrowed supplies from the school to check off. When I went to check off my kit was missing needed items so I automatically got an unsatisfactory.

I could have cried. This was my second one for the semester. We are allowed twelve, so in all actuality I am faring well BUT it was just the point. I work very hard to be organized and keep everything together. I HAD my kit, if only I have driven myself.

Such a discouraging day. It was easy to think, "I'm never gonna make it through nursing school, why keep going? It's only going to get harder."

BUT, all thanks be to God and my precious hard praying husband I controlled my temper and my thoughts. I cast them down in Jesus name and He brought to my remembrance a testimony that my nursing teacher had us watch in the very beginning of school. I'm going to link it below so that you can watch it. Please take the time to watch it? You'll be glad you did. I learned so many things from it.

I learned that sometimes it depends on how bad you want something as to whether or not you'll ever get it. There are many things in life that you WILL have to fight for. There will be many obstacles, the question will be, are you a quitter or are you a fighter?

I have had so many obstacles. So many brick walls. So many bad days. So many horrible circumstances. And then I think, "SO?" Who do I think I am? Who is determining my future?

I am.

And I can do all things through my STRONG Savior! The only way this isn't happening is if I have given my all and it's not enough. I am not a quitter and I will not give up. I will press forward. I will march on. I will finish the race.

I don't have it as bad as others. I can't and won't feel sorry for myself. I will use my mistakes and learn from them.

If you need encouragement watch this.

There is always someone out there that has it worse than you do and they handled it differently. They chose to march forward. They chose to do the right thing. They didn't feel sorry for themselves. They didn't fuss and moan. No, Oh woah is me. They weren't selfish. They are the true inspiration, that if you set your mind to something, you can do it.

I will be a wife prized above rubies. I will be the best mother I can be. I will be the best daughter I can be, the best sister, aunt, cousin, friend, mentor, example, and one day I will look back and say the road was tough but I didn't give up and I am the BEST NURSE that I can be!

All glory be to God!

Small Miracles equal HUGE Miracles

I guess it depends on how you look at it. To me, it's the small things that lead up to the BIG things. I've struggled so hard this semester of RN School. I've tried not to complain. I know how blessed I am to be where I am. God has answered my every prayer.

I had two tests this week and they were doosies. One of my classes, Physical Assessment, has test and Assessment check offs. The check offs count for the same percentage as the test so even though some of my test scores have been lower than I'd prefer my Assessments have been ROCKIN and totally pulled my test averages up. My second class, Fundamentals, has Assessments but those don't count as grades-only pass or fail. This class by all means is TOUGH. The toughest I've encountered yet. It's not a class of facts. It's not black and white. You make Assessments, you evaluate situations, there are several right answers and you choose the BEST one. No black and white. Lots of gray. I don't like situations that are gray. I think too much with my analytical mind. I make things harder than they really are.

Today was once again one of those make it or break it days. I asked my dear husband for special prayer. In taking the test I was sick to my stomach. After the test I had peace. I felt as though the test wasn't as hard as I had thought it would be and this actually is not a good sign in these situations. I needed at least an 80 to stay in the game. An 85 would have pulled me out of the red.

I got a 73.

I started to walk out. To walk away. Knowing this grade would be near impossible to pull up. I was so upset and frustrated. I was so thankful that the peace came and I had a good friend the Lord sent me to encourage me and plead with me to wait it out. After all, I do still have two more tests. I CAN pull this up. Why give up and never know? Stay and give it all you've got.

 So I stayed.

I done my afternoon check off and came home. Then I checked the board for my test scores. I was stunned. I'm not sure why. We had prayed and it surprised me that God answered? After all of our test are entered certain questions are thrown out if no one gets them right. When I checked my grade it went from a 73 to a 79.

Oh Hallelujah!

Let me tell you, those are shouting numbers! God moved on my behalf. Slow and steady wins the race. Devotion. Dedication. Faithfulness. Finishing the race. Nothing is more important than finishing the race. If there is one thing I have learned this semester it is to plant your feet, hang on, and not to let go until you have completed the task.

God spoke volumes to me in this. And it applies in ALL areas of my life. The most important one being my walk with Him. I am singing His sweet praises this day. I am blessed beyond measure.

The Day After

I'm so glad it's over. I have to admit that I am shocked at the results. I think that I would have been surprised by either turn out. This election was so close and people have acted so ugly. Especially Christians. It hurts my heart and disappoints me that we cannot control ourselves, nor our tongues to uphold an ounce of respect or to love those that are not like us.

One of my favorite stories comes from a Francine Rivers book called, "Silas". It is the story of Silas and Paul, not the most popular one that most everyone knows, but the one before Paul became a Christian. It was when Paul was Saul before the Lord had given him his new name. He hated Christians. He killed them. It still amazes me that in spite of those actions, specifically murder...murder, of those who believed on Jesus Christ, he was forgiven. Paul persecuted Christians and in one story in her book Saul came into the home where Silas was staying. They were beating and killing everyone because of their faith. Silas did not fight back. He prayed for the Lord to forgive the men. Saul noticed Silas's love for them EVEN THOUGH they were there to kill him. This stuck out in Saul's mind. He had mercy on Silas and spared him.

This instance of love, of obedience to God's word, spoke louder than any word or any war could have ever spoken. Today we are so busy accusing others, preaching down to others, as though we believe that somehow because of our faith that we are better than they are. Pointing fingers, calling out other people's sin as if we do not sin ourselves. We've become a hypocritical people. There are so few that still stand for what they SAY they believe.

I am ashamed to admit that I am one of them.

What the people of this world need to see is humility, humbleness and the POWER of God's LOVE. Loving the unlovable, the unthinkable, loving in hard situations, all situations. Having stronger faith. People actually OBEYING God's word. Remembering that God is in control. This election may have surprised me, but it did NOT surprise HIM.

Souls would be won if we were real. The world would be a different place if we were real. You simply can't claim to know God but live as your flesh desires.

I've had a real wake up call. I've been heading down the wrong path for far too long.

I am only one person, but I am the one person who is responsible for myself.

I make a choice this day.

I will follow.

I will obey.

I'm home Lord.

Sunday, Glorious Sunday!

What a wild weekend. Storms have been coming since Friday night. Tony and I were caught out in 80 miles an hour winds on the motorcycle. I prayed in the Spirit the whole way home. God had His mighty hand upon us the entire way.

This morning we attended services at T.R.A.S.H. ministries. I love hearing Mike Price teach on love. That has been the unplanned theme the past few weeks. Generally their services are on Friday nights and this week they've begun services on the 1st Sunday of each month at 9a.m. I love T.R.A.S.H. and the people in it. They are truly like a family that I am honored to be a part of.

Riding the bike with my husband Tony is such a bonding time for us. Alone time where we sometimes have sweet chats while observing God's creations with the wind blowing in our faces. Other times we can ride in silence with no words needed. Just the presence of my husband, his warmth, his strong arms leading us down the road. He's taught me so much about the Lord. He's taught me to lean on him, to trust him, and to follow him. For so many years I tried so hard to be the leader and I was simply miserable. I am at such a great point of peace and happiness in my life. I am so incredibly blessed. My husband has taught me of unconditional love and how the Lord loves us at all times through everything. He is a great man.

When we left T.R.A.S.H. and went on to Well Spring Fellowship. We had communion. It had been a while for me. It was so sweet. What an amazing praise and worship service we experienced. The Spirit of God is so sweet and consuming. My own hungry spirit was fed and set on fire.

Then Tony and I rode to have a delicious lunch together. We thought the storms would catch us once again on the motorcycle but we missed the rain and had a very peaceful, windy ride home.

We were hoping to hear from sweet Savannah today but I suppose as deep as they are in the jungles of Ethiopia, it will be a while before we hear from her. We are trusting her with her Father and lifting her up in prayers and thoughts until we connect again.

Our scripture today that brought me to my knees in repentance follows. How heavy my heart was as the Word of God was read aloud. How deep my repentance was. How sweet was His merciful forgiveness. I praise You Father!

Ephesians 5

GOD’S WORD Translation (GW)

Imitate God

5 Imitate God, since you are the children he loves. ² Live in love as Christ also loved us. He gave his life for us as an offering and sacrifice, a soothing aroma to God.

³ Don’t let sexual sin, perversion of any kind, or greed even be mentioned among you. This is not appropriate behavior for God’s holy people. ⁴ It’s not right that dirty stories, foolish talk, or obscene jokes should be mentioned among you either. Instead, give thanks to God. ⁵ You know very well that no person who is involved in sexual sin, perversion, or greed (which means worshiping wealth) can have any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. ⁶ Don’t let anyone deceive you with meaningless words. It is because of sins like these that God’s anger comes to those who refuse to obey him. ⁷ Don’t be partners with them.
⁸ Once you lived in the dark, but now the Lord has filled you with light. Live as children who have light. ⁹ Light produces everything that is good, that has God’s approval, and that is true. ¹⁰ Determine which things please the Lord. ¹¹ Have nothing to do with the useless works that darkness produces. Instead, expose them for what they are. ¹² It is shameful to talk about what some people do in secret. ¹³ Light exposes the true character of everything ¹⁴ because light makes everything easy to see. That’s why it says:

    “Wake up, sleeper!
        Rise from the dead,
            and Christ will shine on you.”

¹⁵ So then, be very careful how you live. Don’t live like foolish people but like wise people. ¹⁶ Make the most of your opportunities because these are evil days. ¹⁷ So don’t be foolish, but understand what the Lord wants. ¹⁸ Don’t get drunk on wine, which leads to wild living. Instead, be filled with the Spirit ¹⁹ by reciting psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs for your own good. Sing and make music to the Lord with your hearts. ²⁰ Always thank God the Father for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. ²¹ Place yourselves under each other’s authority out of respect for Christ.

HE IS RISEN!

Matthew 28:1-20

New King James Version (NKJV)

He Is Risen

28 Now after the Sabbath, as the first day of the week began to dawn, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to see the tomb. ² And behold, there was a great earthquake; for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat on it. ³ His countenance was like lightning, and his clothing as white as snow.⁴ And the guards shook for fear of him, and became like dead men. ⁵ But the angel answered and said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. ⁶ He is not here; for He is risen, as He said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay. ⁷ And go quickly and tell His disciples that He is risen from the dead, and indeed He is going before you into Galilee; there you will see Him. Behold, I have told you.” ⁸ So they went out quickly from the tomb with fear and great joy, and ran to bring His disciples word.

The Women Worship the Risen Lord

⁹ And as they went to tell His disciples, behold, Jesus met them, saying, “Rejoice!” So they came and held Him by the feet and worshiped Him. ¹⁰ Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell My brethren to go to Galilee, and there they will see Me.”

The Soldiers Are Bribed

¹¹ Now while they were going, behold, some of the guard came into the city and reported to the chief priests all the things that had happened. ¹² When they had assembled with the elders and consulted together, they gave a large sum of money to the soldiers, ¹³ saying, “Tell them, ‘His disciples came at night and stole Him away while we slept.’ ¹⁴ And if this comes to the governor’s ears, we will appease him and make you secure.” ¹⁵ So they took the money and did as they were instructed; and this saying is commonly reported among the Jews until this day.

The Great Commission

¹⁶ Then the eleven disciples went away into Galilee, to the mountain which Jesus had appointed for them. ¹⁷ When they saw Him, they worshiped Him; but some doubted. ¹⁸ And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. ¹⁹ Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.

Self-Control

Such a great week and then boom. I suppose it was a test? I had an epic fail. I get so upset with myself when I lose my temper and let my tongue lash out. It burdens my heart so bad that all I can do now is cry. Of course my conviction is so strong I don't leave things on a sour note and I immediately pray, repent and then apologize to my precious friend. Sometimes lack of sleep and a huge stress load overloads your emotions and you lose control of your flesh. I'm still maturing. I'm not there yet.

I cried out to my Father, why do I do this? Why can I not recognize it BEFORE it happens instead of realizing it after it's too late.

I praise Him for His forgiveness. He told me, He said, "Jennifer, you are human. You will stumble, you may fall, but the important thing here is that you caught it immediately. Not days later or weeks later. You may not see the improvement, but it's there. You are growing. I forgive you. Do not be so hard on yourself. I've already forgotten it. I love you my daughter. Stop expecting perfection of yourself. Allow me to work in you. I will strengthen you."

He gave me the scripture that Paul shared about his own flesh.

Romans 7:15 "For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." English Standard Version

How true this is. Tomorrow is a new day. I will not repeat the same mistake again. Now, I'm going to snuggle in His arms and rest in His peace and awaken refreshed and new tomorrow. Selah

My heart is Swelling

My heart is swelling. Swelling with thankfulness. I thank God not only for every good thing in my life which is everything but also for every bad thing that I've ever been through or that has ever happened to me. I've done bad in my life as well. I know what I've been, I know what I am, and I know what I want to be. Today I read this:

Anyone who looks at themselves honestly knows they have nothing to offer God. It’s what God offers us that changes things. ~Not a Fan

How true I know this is. I am nothing without Christ. My mind and my flesh is so selfish. It's not that I try to be selfish or that I want to be. It's just the way I've been. I'm tired of that. I want to give. God is giving me a vision and it's so beautiful.

One day at time, one step at a time, it's coming.

Savannah Sky's mission trip has reawakened my soul and my desire to serve. Right now, missions in terms of third world countries, is not something that is possible for me. But I don't have to wait to serve. I am serving now, every day, every person, every thing, every prayer. My heart is so full. It's been so long. Way too long. I'm on fire. Big things are going to happen. They aren't going to happen because of me. I'll have nothing to do with it actually. God is moving. His time. His plan.

O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago.

I adore You, perfect, faithful God.

You have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from heat.

I adore You God, my refuge, my shelter, my hiding place.

On this mountain the Lord Almighty will prepare a feast of rich food for all peoples, a banquet of aged wine - the best of meats and the finest of wines.

I adore You, extravagant, gift-lavishing Father.

On this mountain He will destroy the shroud that enfolds all peoples, the sheet that covers nations; He will swallow up death forever.

I adore you Oh, God! Our redeemer and Savior!

The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; He will remove the disgrace of His people from all the earth.

I adore you, Oh God my comfort, the lifter of my head.

In that day we will say, "Surely this is our God; we trusted Him and He saved us! This is the Lord, we trusted in him; let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation."

I adore You, Lord, my trustworthy, promise-keeping Savior.

          ~Katie Davis

Praying Psalm 91

Psalm 91

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD,

“He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.

A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If you make the Most High your dwelling-- even the LORD, who is my refuge—then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

“Because he loves me,“ says the LORD, ”I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation” (NIV).

I use to pray this every single morning and every single night over my home and family. I actually had a tape that I would play, where people would join me in praying this over our property, home and family. It was a very powerful time of prayer for me. I love the part that says, "He will cover you with His feathers and under His wings you will find refuge." I look at my back piece and see my sparrows and I am comforted knowing my Father is my protector. I am comforted knowing His love for me is so strong. Pray out loud with me, for your self and your family if you will. Of course the Lord hears our hearts but praying out loud is a powerful tool!

Father I speak Psalms 91 over my home and family. (Read it aloud now) I stand firmly on Your word and Your promises. I thank You for warmth and protection. In the name of Jesus Christ, I bind my body, soul and spirit to the will and purposes of God.  I bind myself to the truth of God.  I bind myself to the awareness of the power of the blood of Jesus working in my life every day.  I bind my mind to the mind of Christ so I can have the thoughts, purposes and feelings of His mind and heart in me.  I bind my feet to the paths you have ordained for me to walk, God, that my steps will be strong and steady.  I bind myself of the work of the cross with all its mercy, truth, love, power, forgiveness and dying to self.  I know that this is where the power to become a new creature in Christ, lies. Lord, I repent of having wrong attitudes and thoughts; I renounce them now and ask your forgiveness.  I loose every old, wrong, pattern of thinking, attitude, idea, desire, belief, habit and behavior that may still be working in me.  I tear down, crush, smash and destroy every stronghold I have erected to protect them.  I bind myself to the attitudes of Jesus Christ. Father, I loose the power and the effects of any harsh or hard words, or any word curses, spoken about me, to me or by me.  I loose any stronghold thinking still connected to them.  I loose all generational bondage thinking from myself.  Thank you, Jesus, that you have promised that whatever I bind and loose on earth that is in accordance with the will of the Father, will be bound and loosed in heaven. I bind up every force of evil that has set itself against my husband, our marriage, our children, our ministry and the call on our lives that God has revealed and has yet to reveal to us and I loose the Powers of God: warring angels, ministering angels, and the Holy Spirit against this attack that we have authority over in the mighty name of Jesus Christ. AMEN!

Uncovered

Uncovered- not covered; revealed or bare

Sometimes it's hard for a person to be real. I use to try to be so perfect in the eyes of the world, believing that I had to fit in or be as good as those around me. I thought the path to God was earning my way, I thought the way to growth was what our ministry became. How wrong I was. My husband and I have been through some very rough waters in churches over the years. We were hurt so deeply and I can remember asking God over and over, "Why, Lord?" "Why, when we were trying to hard to serve You."

Now, after several years, I can hear the answer of the Lord clear as a bell. "You are searching for Me on the wrong path and in the wrong places. I've led you down this rutted road so that you would discover the way to Me."

God is a God of mercy and grace. I will never deserve His love and forgiveness and yet it is there. It is mine for the receiving. I heard a saying just last week that really struck my heart deeply. It said, "You only receive as much love as you think you deserve." How true this is. We often spend so much time thinking how undeserving we are, stopping ourselves from receiving fully from the Lord.

I've found my Father, He's been there all along. I do not live to impress anyone, I live to obey His word and His call on my life. I set aside all fear of what I myself cannot do and I choose to be more than satisfied with what the Lord calls me to do and prepares me to follow through with. I am far from perfection, but as long as I obey His voice I know that I live in His will.

Things have changed. No longer do we seek to follow man or religion, laws or to be accepted. Doors are opening and our ministry is taking off in ways we never could have foreseen. The Lord knew all along the direction we would take. He was leading us and guiding us all along. He was teaching us to follow Him. To hear His voice.

I have no question for Him. Only the desire to be used by Him to bless others and see souls set free from the bondage of the enemy.

I live behind no pretenses, there is no mask that I hide behind, no hidden secrets, everything I've ever done, lived or been, the Lord Jesus has delivered me from and I gladly share and use that so that others know they are not alone and that there is hope in our Father. The One who breaks chains and sets the captive free. I am so thankful to not only know Him but for the opportunity to live for Him. I have no unforgiveness in my heart any longer. I am full to the brim with His peace and ever lasting love.

If you are reading this, know that I love you. I am praying for you. I pray the Lord reach deep down inside of your heart and bring you back to Him. I pray He enable you to forgive yourself, as I have had to forgive myself for my own mistakes. I pray that He speak and you hear Him daily, today and in every day to come.

If we are living a life outside of the will of God, living in willing sin, advertising that sin does not make that lifestyle okay with the Lord. Trying to prove that someone else is wrong does not in turn justify or make you right. That isn't living without a mask. That is just using sin as a mask and being proud of it. To live free beyond the mask is to say, "The Lord Jesus has delivered me from gossip, from alcohol, from depression, from oppression, from having to compete with you, from sexual bondages, from jealousy and discontentment! The Lord Jesus has set me free! And not only has He set me free, that I might use my testimony to help others, He has also restored and redeemed!" -And to live a life that shows it. Yes, I will make mistakes but here I am, uncovered and bare. Watch me because my testimony is being lived and it shows. I'm not just being heard, but know that I do have a voice and I will use all I have for His glory!

He that believes on me, as the scripture has said, out of his heart shall flow rivers of living water. John 7:38 KJV

 For there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither hid, that shall not be known. Luke 12:2 KJV

 If the Son therefore shall make you free, you shall be free indeed. John 8:36

I AM FREE INDEED! IN JESUS CHRIST NAME I AM FREE INDEED! PRAISE GOD ALMIGHTY I AM FREE INDEED! 

DO YOU WANT FREEDOM? CALL ON THE NAME OF THE LORD! 

My Heart Felt Prayer

at this time:

"Create in me a pure heart, and renew a steadfast spirit in me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me."

- Psalm 51:10-12

More Snow Again!

I have to laugh. For years I've heard people complain of it not snowing like it use to when we were young. I think Heaven could remember a couple of snows but Sky and Meadow couldn't remember any big snows. People in our area have prayed and let me tell you, God has heard and He has answered. It's funny though, because after the first snow in December, that was all people wanted. They'd had enough and were ready for the Lord to stop sending snow. All the griping and complaining going on about it can be disheartening and I was wondering how to respond to the negativity of it all. When I hear the sleet against the window pains and look out the window and see the magnificent Winter Wonder Land that the Lord has shared with us, I don't fear power outages, my spirit soars with praise at His wonders! Then He gave me this passage.

Job 37

¹ "At the sound of his thunder, my heart pounds

as if it will jump out of my chest.

² Listen! Listen to the thunder of God's voice

and to the rumbling that comes from his mouth.

³ He turns his lightning loose under the whole sky

and sends it to the farthest parts of the earth.

⁴ After that you can hear the roar

when he thunders with a great sound.

He does not hold back the flashing

when his voice is heard.

⁵ God's voice thunders in wonderful ways;

he does great things we cannot understand.

⁶ He says to the snow, 'Fall on the earth,'

and to the shower, 'Be a heavy rain.'

⁷ With it, he stops everyone from working

so everyone knows it is the work of God.

⁸ The animals take cover from the rain

and stay in their dens.

⁹ The storm comes from where it was stored;

the cold comes with the strong winds.

¹⁰ The breath of God makes ice,

and the wide waters become frozen.

¹¹ He fills the clouds with water

and scatters his lightning through them.

¹² At his command they swirl around

over the whole earth,

doing whatever he commands.

¹³ He uses the clouds to punish people

or to water his earth and show his love.

¹⁴ "Job, listen to this:

Stop and notice God's miracles.

¹⁵ Do you know how God controls the clouds

and makes his lightning flash?

¹⁶ Do you know how the clouds hang in the sky?

Do you know the miracles of God, who knows everything?

¹⁷ You suffer in your clothes

when the land is silenced by the hot, south wind.

¹⁸ You cannot stretch out the sky like God

and make it look as hard as polished bronze.

¹⁹ Tell us what we should say to him;

we cannot get our arguments ready because we do not have enough understanding.

²⁰ Should God be told that I want to speak?

Would a person ask to be swallowed up?

²¹ No one can look at the sun

when it is bright in the sky

after the wind has blown all the clouds away.

²² God comes out of the north in golden light,

in overwhelming greatness.

²³ The Almighty is too high for us to reach.

He has great strength;

he is always right and never punishes unfairly.

²⁴ That is why people honor him;

he does not respect those who say they are wise."

Notice especially verses 5-7. I love being reminded of His greatness.

Word for the Day

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. ~Psalm 18:2-6

My grandmother passed away yesterday. Her funeral was today. It's been hard. Please pray favor for my mom and her sister in their current situation. Thanks so much prayer warriors!

Realization or Should I say Revelation?

I've been battling the last few weeks. If I were to dare to be completely honest with myself and you I could admit it has been longer than that. I seem to have fallen into some sort of pit, something that caused me to see things bunched up together, something that made everyday life appear as this huge heavy burden.....this overwhelming obstacle that I could see no way over and it completely stole my joy.

I would wake up in the morning completely refreshed from the Word I read the night before. I would awaken completely determined that today would be different, I was going to beat this thing, I was going to overcome and I was going to find a way to be more like Jesus and add His perfection into my life and I had this vision that I would be able to transform the everyday struggles into what *I* felt they should be. I wanted a perfect home...clean, neat and uncluttered, running smoothly with no glitches. I wanted to rise early, greeting my Father and beginning hymns and bible study with my children and watch them rejoice that their mother was taking the time to feed them spiritually each day. I wanted everything to f-l-o-w ever so s-m-o-o-t-h-l-y allowing Jesus to shine through me, spreading and sharing Him with all that I met. (I still want this.)

In reality what would happen is this. I would awaken early and some days I didn't want to get out of bed. Some days I really wished I could stay in bed longer, maybe until the next day came. I would drag out of bed, sometimes moody sometimes happy but either way as I would go to wake the girls I would face a battle. They weren't the happy little girls like you see in books and in the movies that are so glad to rise, no they resisted me. Often times in order to get them to rise I resulted to threats and loud yelling. By the time they would drag to the kitchen table and get breakfast a couple of hours have passed. As I coax them into the living room to try and begin school I again face more battles. The resistance of their will. Ah mom, not again. Do we have to do school today?

I put on the praise and worship, the beautiful hymns that I love studying and I love singing but somehow that refreshing joy I experience on Sunday morning at church is no where to be found. I find myself fussing at the girls to sing praise to the Father with me. Some days I must tell them that they HAVE to sing or else they'd be grounded. So then they would sing forcefully. Have you ever heard that? Forced singing. You simply can't force praise. It's not pretty at all.

So then the anger sets in and I ask the girls, "How do you think God feels right now? Do you think this type of singing makes Him happy?" They don't seem to care, the eyes roll and its made known to me that they really wish this was over and that I would just be quiet.

The day follows in the same spirit, chores, dishes, clothes, picking up after themselves, cleaning their rooms. Everything a battle.

At the end of the day I'm exhausted, I'm deep in a pit, my emotions are so mixed I question my own sanity. I'm full of guilt and shame because I don't know how to control my own kids. I have read book after book, 'Parenting with Love and Logic', 'Raising Godly Tomatoes', and numerous other things and I find that none of it works in my home.

Can you imagine what this does to a marriage? When my husband calls I'm in a tizzie, I'm ranting and raving and venting to him like there is anything he can do about it from the road. To be perfectly honest there is really nothing he can do when he gets home because its too late. If things aren't handled as they happen all is lost. The kids are angry with me for telling him on them, he is angry that he has to come home and handle the discipline because he feels like the bad guy and I feel like a failure as a wife and mother.

It's a vicious cycle.

I end up giving in and stopping my schedule. I stop trying to force them to sing and do bible study. I give up to an extent without really throwing in the towel. Things get worse and one day I come to the place that I feel like starting over is the only answer. And the cycle begins all over again.

This leads to the girls calling me crazy. Mom is in a bad mood again, Mom is on another one of her kicks. I fight until defeated and again I give up.

Its sad isn't it?

My thoughts turn from doing what God has called me to do and they begin to think of ways out. How can I stop the madness? How can I stop the cycle? Do I stop homeschooling? Wouldn't it be easier if I just put them back in school and go to work? Shouldn't I have a life outside of my family? I'm unappreciated and I feel abused. I feel like I never get a day off. My job runs 24-7, 365 days a year and yet I can't rid myself of the truth that it'll end one day soon. One day soon, I'll be alone, they'll be grown and gone. Have I taught them what they need to know to survive in this world? Have they learned enough that their souls will go to heaven and not to hell?

What is the problem? What is the true root here? Where is the solution?