Old Me

There were a lot of positive changes in that new me. I felt good. I felt like moving, like living, like getting out of the house and doing something new. What I found along the way was that I was on a slow descent into a place that the Lord has brought me out of long long ago.

It began in December last year. I became apathetic. A spirit of depression had taken over me but I didn't recognize it. I kept reading books and my bible and praying some, but my attendance at church dropped off. Then ever so slowly I stopped reading and my prayers became less and less frequent.

I'm sad to admit that by May I was lost. So lost in fact I was ready to walk away from everything as I knew it.

The strangest thing was that I didn't know who I was any longer. I felt no convictions and could see no consequence for my action. I became dangerous to myself. I felt happy and in control but that was a lie from satan.

I was so out of control that I had opened the door and invited him in.

Our merciful Father however, kept His hand upon during this time I wandered lost in the wilderness. He extended His mercy and grace to me. There were faithful prayer warriors covering me with prayer and my life was spared. I was so close to the edge. I truly could have gone either way.

I'm so thankful that the Lord didn't give up on me.

I remember the day that my husband came home and told me the Lord had shown him that I was under spiritual attack. He said this wasn't ME-it was demonic. I remember the fear that I felt at that moment. It took a while for it hit me. When he laid hands on me and prayed I actually felt something for the first time in a long while. Feeling nothing-being numb is a horrid place to be. I felt that thing-that nothingness leave me.

The difference was night and day. It was almost as though I were in shock. I couldn't believe the physical difference that I felt being free.

The Lord brought me to a deep repentance. I went to a place that I never dreamed I'd ever ever go back to. I dealt with shame and guilt for a long while until I was finally able to forgive myself. I had let everyone around me down, my family, friends, those I witnessed to, those who knew me and those who didn't.

My prayer since then has been that the Lord take what satan meant for harm and use it for HIS glory.

It is a process.

I'm still learning.

I heard from many of you while I was away and I have to admit that I was quite surprised at how many people actually read my blog because it rarely gets comments. I'm thankful that in my time of stupidity I closed my blog and didn't mislead anyone online.

Now I am trying to find balance. It isn't a sin to lose weight. It isn't a sin to exercise. It's healthy. But if it brings with it a spirit of vanity, its worthless. I am praying that I can be healthy and used by God and NOT fall to prey to the vanity that tries to haunt me as I get into shape. So far I've gained a few pounds. I pray to be able to recover before I gain it all back but most important to me is my relationship with Jesus. If you are reading I would appreciate your prayers. I need balance.

I hope the Lord will use my fall to help someone.

I am so thankful for His forgiveness.

It feels so good to be back.

New Me

Lately I just haven't been creative enough to post. I haven't felt like sharing myself with the world. I haven't felt like updating my style.

I'm doing great.

I'm losing weight.

I'm down 23 pounds so far.

I'm working out.

I'm learning to run.

I want to run a 5 k.

I'm training.

I'm looking at life differently.

There are things I want to do.

I want to live.

I'm learning my way.

I'll come out again.

More Snow Again!

I have to laugh. For years I've heard people complain of it not snowing like it use to when we were young. I think Heaven could remember a couple of snows but Sky and Meadow couldn't remember any big snows. People in our area have prayed and let me tell you, God has heard and He has answered. It's funny though, because after the first snow in December, that was all people wanted. They'd had enough and were ready for the Lord to stop sending snow. All the griping and complaining going on about it can be disheartening and I was wondering how to respond to the negativity of it all. When I hear the sleet against the window pains and look out the window and see the magnificent Winter Wonder Land that the Lord has shared with us, I don't fear power outages, my spirit soars with praise at His wonders! Then He gave me this passage.

Job 37

¹ "At the sound of his thunder, my heart pounds

as if it will jump out of my chest.

² Listen! Listen to the thunder of God's voice

and to the rumbling that comes from his mouth.

³ He turns his lightning loose under the whole sky

and sends it to the farthest parts of the earth.

⁴ After that you can hear the roar

when he thunders with a great sound.

He does not hold back the flashing

when his voice is heard.

⁵ God's voice thunders in wonderful ways;

he does great things we cannot understand.

⁶ He says to the snow, 'Fall on the earth,'

and to the shower, 'Be a heavy rain.'

⁷ With it, he stops everyone from working

so everyone knows it is the work of God.

⁸ The animals take cover from the rain

and stay in their dens.

⁹ The storm comes from where it was stored;

the cold comes with the strong winds.

¹⁰ The breath of God makes ice,

and the wide waters become frozen.

¹¹ He fills the clouds with water

and scatters his lightning through them.

¹² At his command they swirl around

over the whole earth,

doing whatever he commands.

¹³ He uses the clouds to punish people

or to water his earth and show his love.

¹⁴ "Job, listen to this:

Stop and notice God's miracles.

¹⁵ Do you know how God controls the clouds

and makes his lightning flash?

¹⁶ Do you know how the clouds hang in the sky?

Do you know the miracles of God, who knows everything?

¹⁷ You suffer in your clothes

when the land is silenced by the hot, south wind.

¹⁸ You cannot stretch out the sky like God

and make it look as hard as polished bronze.

¹⁹ Tell us what we should say to him;

we cannot get our arguments ready because we do not have enough understanding.

²⁰ Should God be told that I want to speak?

Would a person ask to be swallowed up?

²¹ No one can look at the sun

when it is bright in the sky

after the wind has blown all the clouds away.

²² God comes out of the north in golden light,

in overwhelming greatness.

²³ The Almighty is too high for us to reach.

He has great strength;

he is always right and never punishes unfairly.

²⁴ That is why people honor him;

he does not respect those who say they are wise."

Notice especially verses 5-7. I love being reminded of His greatness.

More Snow!!

The girls have had company and we are all snowed it together. It's been fun. They try to go outside and play in the snow but it's so incredibly cold they don't last very long. It's a powdery snow too and doesn't stick together well, so it isn't good for building snowmen.

I wanted to try and do some extra school with the girls but having friends over makes that hard.

Tony's friend Barry came over and scraped the driveway for us. I still don't think we can get out. I'm not real sure how the roads are, many of them still haven't been scraped and we don't have a four wheel drive. We really don't need anything, I'm pretty well stocked, but there is something about just knowing that can't go anywhere that makes you want to go somewhere! :)

We bought quite a few $4 movies at Walmart before the snow but only have two left that we haven't watched. That explains what we've been doing since being snowed in!

Church was cancelled today and that is disappointing but no-one could have made it there.

I've been reading over some of my older posts here on Jenileigh's Journey and it saddened me to see the direction that things have taken. In my opinion I give you updates on how I'm doing but that is about it. My homeschool blog did take away some of our life here but is thriving because it is such a huge part of us. I feel it was the right thing to do, it needed a place of it's own. Here though, on Jenileigh's Journey, I use to share so much about the Lord and how He helped, spoke to and taught me things. There were so many teachings and revelations. It is my heart felt prayer that that can find that again.

Part of the problem is time and part of it is because of things I've been going through. Maybe I can find a balance between the two and get to back to the heart of why I started this blog to begin with.

Mid-Month

It's been a hard new year so far. We've been battling a horrible sickness in our home. This is particularly hard on me because I'm not usually one to catch things. I like being able to take care of everyone else and suffer only from a little exhaustion and keep moving on. I guess all mom's are like that.

Meadow started with the vomiting. The virus seemed to have a 3-4 day incubation period. It made rounds in this order: Meadow, Sky, Tony, Me. Then it seemed to double back with a different stomach bug-no vomiting but a terrible stomach ache and diarrhea. This was just something Tony and I got and it lasted several days.

I got very weak and felt like doing little of nothing. I don't like to blog when I'm down so I haven't written very much. I should have asked for prayer.

So, keep us in prayer and pray for healing and that we get back on our feet, physically and spiritually.

Happy New Year 2010

We spent New Year's Eve at home together, with the exception of Sky-who spent the night at her best friends house. Heaven and Matt came over and we watched movies, ate tacos, million dollar pie, lemon chess cheese cake pie, twizzlers and gobstoppers! Meadow had her girlfriend Brittany over. After the movie everyone (but me) played the Wii. I have to say the Wii is probably everyone's favorite Christmas present. I had a pretty bad tummy ache (that time you know) so I laid on the couch and enjoyed watching them. I had a great time. I hope that each and everyone of you had a blessed New Years Eve as well. I am looking very forward to 2010!

Happy New Year

It's Snowed!

It snowed about 12 inches and the greatest thing is that they are calling for more. I'm quite sure we will finally get that White Christmas after all these years! Below are a few of our Christmas pictures. The end ones are where Tony got stuck on our road trying to get to the driveway!

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let is Snow!

They are calling for snow tomorrow!

I'm soooo excited!!!

Wouldn't it be just lovely to have a White Christmas!

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

Christmas Parade and Banquet

What a busy week. Tony and I went to the Christmas play all alone! Sky went with her friends and Meadow was at a friend's house and didn't want us to come and get her to take her to the play. Can you believe that? I can't. I'd rather go to the parade any day! LOL

We took our comfy chairs, stopped and got some delicious hot cocoa from Honduras Coffee Shop, (Tony got coffee) and laid back and watched the parade while the people threw tons of candy at us. You just can't beat that at Christmas time. :)

Yesterday we had our Christmas banquet at church. It was a lot of work but we had a great time.

Below are a few pictures from our weekend. (I'm still praying that the Lord send us inches and more inches of snow this winter!)

Me

Page and my hubby Tony

Trinity

Pretty Horses

James- my son in law's dad

Sparky the dog

Goats celebrate Christmas too!

Santa

Our Pastors

Callie a sweet girl from our church and me. She loves me so much and I have no idea why. She just attached herself to me. I love it when little ones do this.

This is me with Callie and her sister Grace.

This is Page's daughter Lilli Ann.

Lilli Ann

Meadow and her good friend Mowpheth.

It's Beginning to Look Alot Like Christmas

I love the cold! We have our house all warm, cozy and decorated. Our Christmas shopping is almost finished, just a few odds and ends left to finish things off. AND the baking has begun!!!

Sky is having her sleep over tonight. She just turned 14.

Meadow is sleeping over at a friend's house.

Tony is sleeping right now!

I figured I'd take the opportunity to blog while I had the peace and quiet.

I think one of the main reasons that I am so excited about this holiday season is that the Lord has answered so many prayers for us this year. I can remember in the past dreading the holidays because of family disagreements. Some years Christmas was a complete disaster. This year on both sides of the family God has worked on hearts and changed people and it means so much to know that as we all come together to celebrate the birth of Christ, that Christ has worked miracles and brought us all close together.

I see the joy this brings Tony's mom and my parents too. I love seeing my mom and dad happy and content and I know for most parents one of the greatest gifts that they could receive is their children getting along and being happy. I'm very thankful for this.

I'm very thankful this year. I'm thankful that my family is close and that Tony and I are getting along and continuing to grow in our love. I see so many marriages around us failing. I am thankful that the Lord has called me to be the mother I am, staying at home with my children and homeschooling them. I see so many mothers neglecting their children and the effects of it are heartbreaking. I'm thankful that our schooling is going well and both girls are excelling, I see parents that sit back and do nothing with their children's education and I see them fall through the cracks.

I'm reminded often of what I was and how I done things myself before the Lord so graciously stepped in and changed me. I praise Him for His mercy and grace. Without Him, I am nothing.

Now the one thing I have left to do is to find a day that all of my family can get together so that we can have a family portrait made. I don't want to go to Sears or anything, I have a friend that takes great pictures and I'm hoping I can work something out with her where we can have a picture made that I can use for Christmas cards. Time has really snuck up on me and I'm hoping I'll be able to get them done. Next year I'm going to plan ahead! This year has been really busy. Tony has done a few Santa gigs and we've been remodeling.

Tomorrow is the parade, I've not decided if we are going or not. I guess it all depends on how we all feel tomorrow. Our church's Christmas dinner is Sunday evening and we have three turkeys to bake.

Christmas will be here before you know it.

Remodeling Living Room

I've been talking about remodeling Heaven's old bedroom for a long time. We've truly needed this to be done for a long time. I turned our old living room into a classroom quite a while ago, so when we have visitors they have no real place to gather. We sit at the kitchen table but it's often cluttered and a very busy station in our house. It feels really good to have turned this bedroom into a real living room.

These first two pictures are after the painting is almost complete. I totally forgot to get pictures before painting.

Tony rolling the paint on.

Our Christmas tree, notice the painted walls, ceiling, new blinds, new curtains and new carpet. We also got a new couch but it's way to large for our room. It's 14 1/2 feet long! My mom has a really nice comfortable set and we've agreed to swap. I can't wait! You can see the blue of the couch on the left of the picture-mom's set is brown and beige. A perfect match!

This fireplace wasn't even visable when we started. I removed the boards and cleaned it out. We have plans to put in a gas insert soon. I can't wait to see a fire in this beautiful fireplace. I thought the mantel turned out beautiful!

A close up shot.

Merry Christmas Meadow!

Merry Christmas blogosphere!

Chantal Kreviazuk-leaving on a jet plane

You ever just have one of those days?

Today is my day.

If I could- this is what I'd do, even if I could only go for just a few days.

Sometimes you just need to be alone, to get away, and today I'd like to leave..... on a jet plane.

I love this song. Sort of helps me feel like I have left, a few moments of peaceful getaway, day dreaming.

Enjoy!

Do a seach for it on You Tube. Not sure why videos aren't allowed on blogger any longer.

Resting

I am so tired after having two glorious days of Thanksgiving with my families. We did do a little black friday shopping. Nothing major, two of the things I had wanted were gone. I did manage to find one of them online and the other we'll get before Christmas but it would have been great had we been able to get them yesterday.

Tony and I are spending the day in bed watching movies. I didn't get to go and see Blindside yet but I'm thinking Sky and I will go to a matinee this week! Can't beat those prices! :)

Praying all of you had a blessed Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving

I am at my mother in laws house baking for tomorrow........cheesecake, pumpkin roll, peanut butter balls, snowballs, cookie dough truffles....mmmmmm

I am spending the night tonight and I feel much like a little girl at grandma's house! I guess in a lot of ways, that is exactly what I am. I'm so thankful that I am close to my mother in law. I enjoy helping her but I don't feel like I'm helping because I LOVE doing the cooking!

Thanksgiving is my favorite time of year.

Tony will be coming up in the morning. He doesn't like to sleep anywhere but his bed! LOL

We will have almost all of the desserts done tonight, the turkey in the oven, and other dishes are prepared just waiting to be baked. I like being prepared!

Friday will be Thanksgiving at my mom's house for my family. My sister is in from the beach and I can't wait to see my brother. I'm ever so thankful for all of my family.

I'm looking forward to the next two days, I'm so excited that I'm giddy!

I'm hoping to find time to go and see Blindside with Sandra Bullock this weekend. If you've seen it let me know if it was as good as they say it will be!

I pray each of you have a blessed Thanksgiving! Praise to be to God that we celebrate such a time as this!

Canning

Yesterday I went to my mother in laws and canned 14 quarts of deer. Meadow loves to help and that amazes me. Sky won't come near the deer meat! Meadow helped cut the deer meat up and pack it into the jars. I love having her help. Meemaw loved having our help too.

My sister in law came over with baby Aiden and spent the night with us last night. We all had such a good time. We watched the biggest loser, cooked dinner, cleaned up, reminisced and laughed most of the night.

It felt good.

Spending time with family and doing work that is enjoyable and rewarding.

Bringing those quarts of deer home and putting them in the cabinets felt so good. Sometimes being a stay at home mom can leave you with feelings that you don't really work or contribute to the family in a financial way. I know I contribute, in many ways that money could never buy, but when I pay the bills and purchase things we need there are those times that I feel some sort of responsibility to bring in money.

I try to find ways, but any ideas that I've had take money to make money. Even homemade items take money to purchase supplies.

The deer we canned was given to us by a friend of Tony's that likes to hunt but doesn't like to eat deer. I'm hoping the Lord blesses us with a few more before winter is over.

I'm truly looking forward to the holiday season. Thanksgiving is just around the corner!

Manic Mondays

Meadow has had a horrid toothache. I called her dentist first thing this morning and thankfully they had an opening for her at 3pm today. We managed to finished school before having to go. Heaven came over and rode with us because they are having hard wood floors put in her home and its so messy and loud that she didn't want to sit over there listening to them work.

I don't know what is going on with Meadow's teeth and neither does our dentist! She just had xrays of her teeth in March and she didn't have this cavity. So in seven months she'd gotten this deep cavity in the center of two teeth. They worked on her for 2 hours and had to reschedule her for another visit.I had no idea we'd be in the office that long.

I had an appointment somewhere special to do something for Tony's Christmas present and was afraid I wouldn't get there on time. Thankfully we did and that was a sheer joy! I'm so excited about this! Then we went and looked at mattress and box springs for Heaven and Matt. I believe we had found a better deal the last time we went shopping. so she held off to go back there.

We are redoing our den (which was previously Heaven's bedroom) so I had to make a trip to Lowe's Home Improvement to pick up paints and blinds.

We finally got home by 8pm tonight! It was a long day but very productive.

We also had a wonderful Sunday yesterday, both the morning and evening services were fabulous. Our morning scripture was:

Isaiah 41:10 Fear thou not, for I am with thee, be not dismayed, for I am your God! I will strengthen thee, yea I will help thee, yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of My righteousness.

What a beautiful scripture! It was very comforting and well needed. I'm so thankful to have a home church with a pastor that truly hears from and obeys the Lord. I praise God that He is there for me and that He hears and will answer me!

Looking forward to a great week ahead. We have a lot on our plates. I may try to post before and after pictures of our den. What do you think?

Prayer Request for friend's of mine's daughter Katie

Katie was in a bad car accident on November 10th. Her cars side nor front airbags deployed. She has major facial damage including breaking both cheeks, detaching her palate and they've had to wire her jaw together. She also broke both of her femurs. She has undergone a 7 hour surgery with a plastic surgeon for her face and a 5 hour surgery on her legs. Tory is just 18/19, she is beautiful and has her whole life ahead of her. Her parents are so precious! I went to school with both her mom and her dad. I would so appreciate it if the blogging community would come together and pray hard for them!

I Love Fridays

Even Friday the 13th! Tony has always loved the number 13 so the whole luck thing has never bothered us, not that we believe in superstitions either but you know what I mean.

So...........today has been the best day ever.

I went with Heaven to the doctor today and we got to see the baby and her heartbeat! (We are rooting for a girl!) She will be 7 weeks tomorrow.

I'm ecstatic! I truly am.

After this we went to lunch at the Long Horn.

What a great way to spend the day.

I also love how close Heaven and I have grown since her new found adulthood. Moving out really changed things between us. It's not that they were bad before either its just that they are different now.

I'm so happy. I had to share.

I'm going to be a Gammy and Tony is going to be a Pappy!

I just want to give God all the glory. There are many all over that have been lifting Heaven in prayer over the last few weeks. God heard and He answered!

Hallelujah!

New Look

I tire so easily of blog designs. I also tire of having to fork out over a $100 everytime I want a new look. Tony had gotten me Photoshop Elements for Christmas last year and I've tried a few times to work with it but I find it very complicated. Things usually are when you first get started with something new.

I've been hunting around and discovering new and free blog templates and headers so I decided to drop my old look and I installed this one myself. I love the look and will be able to play with my design and change it with the seasons if I wish. I think this will be a lot of fun. The only drawback is that at the moment, I can't personalize my headers.

I plan to continue to work with Photoshop and figure out how to add photos and captions in my headers. If I can accomplish this I'll be much happier with my freebie looks.

So bear with me as I work my way through my new hobby.

I love the Fall

It's my favorite time of year. Actually this fall has moved so quickly that if you blinked you'd miss it. Last weekend we traveled up on the Mountain and visited family. I love going up there. Seeing the beauty of the mountains, the colors of the leaves, and breathing the fresh air-you feel so close to God. Looking around at all of His beautiful creations you wonder how anyone could doubt Him. Our God is an Awesome God.

Tony is still hurting. The vitamins I ordered him came in and I also got him an herbal rub for his knees and hands and lower back. I know it'll take some time but I'm hoping after a few months of being on this vitamin he will begin to see a difference in his pain. We have been a little lazy lately and have greatly enjoyed being together. We've been piling up in bed and watching movies together. :)

I also have other news. I have waited to share because I know I have viewers that are friends, family and church family so if you are one of these hold your breath. For my readers out there in blogosphere it's easy to share these things with you because well, you don't know us.

I've waited a week since learning this and since almost all of our family has been told I think it's safe to say.


How many of you would like to take a chance on guessing what I'm about to share?

Anyone?

At all?

Or is the suspense just killing you?

I have to laugh!

At this point it could be anything!

I suppose I should just go ahead and say it.

So I will.

I'm going to be a grandmother!

Did you catch that?

Heaven and Matt just found out that they are expecting their first blessing!

Heaven and I did go to the doctor to confirm the pregnancy test but so far that is it. No sonograms or anything yet. Right now the guestimated delivery date will be June 17th 2010.

I am especially excited too that my brother is also expecting his first child, a son in March 2010. I'm pretty sure I'll be the appointed babysitter and I just have to laugh that last year at this time I was mourning not being able to conceive myself. God knew then just what He had in store for me this next year! Not one, but two babies!

God is so good to me.

Please continue to lift Tony up in prayer. Constant pain can pull ones spirit down. We will see victory in this in Jesus' name!

(be sure to visit our homeschool blog where I'm updating at least weekly, more often most of the time, on our comings and goings, field trips and our homeschooling journey!)

Pray for Tony

He's in a lot of pain and the doctors have diagnosed him with arthritis. We aren't receiving those reports and we are praying for his complete healing, please stand with us.

Thank-you.