You Say It's Your Birthday! Happy Birthday To Me!!!

Another year gone by. It's amazing how time just seems to fly by. I am 39 today. 39 Amazing. 40 is just around the corner. I can remember when I thought that it would never get here, that it be forever-an eternity before I would begin getting old.

I've had one daughter graduate, get married and give birth to my first grandchild, a grandson. The concept of getting older has never been one that easy for me to conceive. It's something I have to think through. I believe that over time I have finally began coming to the place of accepting that there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop it, the best I can hope for is to embrace it.

I want to do things for the Lord I've never had the nerve to do. I want to LIVE each moment to make Him proud. It's time for change in my life and it's about time. It's time to stop looking around and wondering what everyone else thinks of me and look to my Father.

Father, have I made you proud? Have I fulfilled even partially the call that You have placed on my life? Let me live today and everyday to come for You. I want to please You and fulfill Your will and not my own. I want to live for You and die to myself. It isn't about me, it never was, it's always been about You. Lead me, guide me, use me. I surrender all. I give You all my love and praise this day for You are worthy! Holy is Your name! Hallelujah! Jesus is Lord!

Finding Myself

You know I've spent the last few hours reading over some of my older posts again.

My discovery is so odd, and yet at the same time, somehow...now-it makes perfect sense.

The Lord was filling me around the end of 2009. At the time I thought that He was getting me through the moments, the days, the trials, BUT as I look back and read what the Lord was speaking to me, what He was saying so clearly, He was teaching me, preparing me...well at least trying to prepare me, as much as I would allow, for the attack to come during the early part of 2010.

Instead of absorbing and really learning, truly listening and retaining, I shared with everyone as though I had word of knowledge for THEM and I emptied everything out without retaining the lessons He was teaching ME.

The lessons that were meant for ME.

Sharing is perfectly fine, but if you empty out what has been given to you without absorbing it, you've gained nothing.

As I look back now, I can clearly see how my Father provided me absolutely everything I needed to overcome every obstacle, every trial that came my way. As I prayed it was like I was asking Him to do it for me, take care of this for me, make it go away but He expects us to do our part. He gives us what we need and He expects us to use it.

It seems almost silly now, so obvious, but at that time I couldn't see it. I was so hungry for God, yearning for Him to speak to me, convinced that my relationship with Him wasn't good enough or strong enough or right enough or real enough......

Then I wind up here.

And the view from here shows me that it WAS good, it WAS strong, it WAS right and it WAS very very real.

I needed this.

I know my way now.

Thank-You Father for Your revelation. I am truly on my way back.

Off Track

I am so off track with my exercise and my eating. UGH. I usually get off track a few days and get right back on board but this time it's been two weeks. Two weeks can do a lot of damage. I wouldn't even be concerned at all if I had any thought of getting back on track. I mean, I'm thinking I need to but I'm not feeling good. All this year I've felt wonderful and had all this energy and now I'm wondering where it has gone. I cannot continue down this old path. I've lost 31 pounds and gained back 2. If you think of me, could you pray for that determination and energy to return? I want to make it to my goal of running a 5k! Thanks

Friday Funnies

I was looking for a short and sweet Friday Meme and I came across this over at my old friend Susan's place at Forever His.

Thankful Thursday

“Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.”- Romans 15:7 
I am thankful to have a husband who accepts me for who I am. He doesn't think that I should aim to be like others. He doesn't desire that I should worry about getting older or how I look. He loves me, bedhead, bad breath and all. He is satisfied with my housekeeping. He never complains about whether dinner is ready or not. He is simply happy when I am happy. The love that he has shown to me over the past 17 plus-years has taught me much about love. He brought love to life for me. 

1 Corinthians 13

The Greatest Gift

 ¹ Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. ² And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³ And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.
⁴ Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; ⁵does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; ⁶ does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; ⁷ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
⁸ Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part. ¹⁰ But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
¹¹ When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. ¹² For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
¹³ And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Thank-you Tony. For loving me no matter what. 
I love you.
I am ever so thankful for you.
(To participate in Thankful Thursdays visit Iris at Grace Alone)

Drawing Near

I love seeing people draw near to my Lord. Especially my family. We have been under such an attack of the enemy this past year. How I wish I could have/would have/should have recognized this attack and put on the full armor of God available to me and fought back instead of giving in.

I'm so thankful. Ever so thankful for God's mercy and grace.

I've been praying for such a long time for my sister and my brother and then I blew it myself. It seems that just a few months after this I am seeing God answer those prayers that I had prayed so long ago and in many ways given up on.

God is so faithful.

My sister is serving God. Tonight she inspired me. It was incredible being on the other end of things, having her minister to me. Praise God! What an awesome experience.

My brother is coming to church, reading his bible and praying.

These are miracles.

Their hearts were so cold.

God is all powerful.

It isn't easy trying to get back to where I was. I just want to please my Father. I'm trying to look forward and not back. It is so wonderful to see God moving on my loved ones. So wonderful to be reminded of forgotten prayers.

God is good.

Cover Up

About 19-20 years ago I decided I wanted a tattoo. What I didn't have was the patience to find a good artist and in my hurry to get my tattoo I found someone with little talent and reputation. I was never happy with the rose band that covered my left ankle but felt *stuck* with it since, after all, tattoos are permanent.

I looked into removal but it was just too pricey. Tony didn't think I would be able to get a cover up because of the darkness of color in the red roses and green leaves. I've been hunting high and low for a good artist for about a year now. I finally found a girl by the name of Christinia Wassilie at The Blue Lotus Tattoo, that I thought was really good. She's a two hour drive from us, but that was completely irrelevant if her work is good and her shop is clean. Both of which were very true.

Christinia looked at my leg and said that she could cover it up with no problem. I was so shocked and HAPPY. She was affordable so we unexpectedly started working on it yesterday. I knew I'd never be able to sit through the entire job at one sitting. So she said we'd do the outline and then see if I thought I could continue. I was amazed at how quickly she finished the outline and decided I could make it through the entire cover up.

I'm going to post a couple of before pictures. The before pics are blurry because I had to crop them out of other photos but you'll get a good idea of what my leg looked like before my cover up tattoo.

Before

Before

After, inside part of leg.

After

After, outside part of my leg.

I love it. Love can't even express how happy I am with these results.

Blue is also my favorite color.

I am so satisfied with the cover up and thankful that we didn't have to add onto the old work or have to have it removed. There is nothing worse than having work that you aren't happy with and can't have removed. I thought I would be done after this but now I'm pretty sure that I want to start on a lower back piece. The lily is also my favorite flower. So, what do you think?

Blessings

This is Treyton. My grandson. He was born July 3rd.

This is Derron, my nephew. He is 5 months old.

This is me on a typical day.

I had prayed for many years for another child. Our Father knew exactly what He had in store for me and it was much better than my own hearts desires. I am so thankful that the Lord knows whats best for us and doesn't give us everything we want when we want it.

I really enjoy caring for these two precious little boys. After having three girls, I must admit I'm ecstatic to care for little boys. These two little men have my heart.

New Season?

On top of all of the other changes that have been going on in my life this past year we decided to put our girls back in public school. After home schooling for almost 10 years it is a huge change for all of us. The girls seem to be adjusting well and I have felt very relieved. It's like a weight has been lifted off of me.

I have gone back to school. I've talked about it a lot over the last couple of years and I finally did it. I'm taking Dental Assisting classes and should graduate sometime in October. Hopefully once I get a job we can get back on our feet financially and begin building again. For so long its felt as though we were drowning.

Tony and I are on this weight loss journey together. So far he has lost 65 lbs and I have lost 29 lbs. I'm heading back in the right direction-lost the pounds I had gained plus some.

Life is good. All is well.

Maybe I can get back into my blogging style soon.

Old Me

There were a lot of positive changes in that new me. I felt good. I felt like moving, like living, like getting out of the house and doing something new. What I found along the way was that I was on a slow descent into a place that the Lord has brought me out of long long ago.

It began in December last year. I became apathetic. A spirit of depression had taken over me but I didn't recognize it. I kept reading books and my bible and praying some, but my attendance at church dropped off. Then ever so slowly I stopped reading and my prayers became less and less frequent.

I'm sad to admit that by May I was lost. So lost in fact I was ready to walk away from everything as I knew it.

The strangest thing was that I didn't know who I was any longer. I felt no convictions and could see no consequence for my action. I became dangerous to myself. I felt happy and in control but that was a lie from satan.

I was so out of control that I had opened the door and invited him in.

Our merciful Father however, kept His hand upon during this time I wandered lost in the wilderness. He extended His mercy and grace to me. There were faithful prayer warriors covering me with prayer and my life was spared. I was so close to the edge. I truly could have gone either way.

I'm so thankful that the Lord didn't give up on me.

I remember the day that my husband came home and told me the Lord had shown him that I was under spiritual attack. He said this wasn't ME-it was demonic. I remember the fear that I felt at that moment. It took a while for it hit me. When he laid hands on me and prayed I actually felt something for the first time in a long while. Feeling nothing-being numb is a horrid place to be. I felt that thing-that nothingness leave me.

The difference was night and day. It was almost as though I were in shock. I couldn't believe the physical difference that I felt being free.

The Lord brought me to a deep repentance. I went to a place that I never dreamed I'd ever ever go back to. I dealt with shame and guilt for a long while until I was finally able to forgive myself. I had let everyone around me down, my family, friends, those I witnessed to, those who knew me and those who didn't.

My prayer since then has been that the Lord take what satan meant for harm and use it for HIS glory.

It is a process.

I'm still learning.

I heard from many of you while I was away and I have to admit that I was quite surprised at how many people actually read my blog because it rarely gets comments. I'm thankful that in my time of stupidity I closed my blog and didn't mislead anyone online.

Now I am trying to find balance. It isn't a sin to lose weight. It isn't a sin to exercise. It's healthy. But if it brings with it a spirit of vanity, its worthless. I am praying that I can be healthy and used by God and NOT fall to prey to the vanity that tries to haunt me as I get into shape. So far I've gained a few pounds. I pray to be able to recover before I gain it all back but most important to me is my relationship with Jesus. If you are reading I would appreciate your prayers. I need balance.

I hope the Lord will use my fall to help someone.

I am so thankful for His forgiveness.

It feels so good to be back.

New Me

Lately I just haven't been creative enough to post. I haven't felt like sharing myself with the world. I haven't felt like updating my style.

I'm doing great.

I'm losing weight.

I'm down 23 pounds so far.

I'm working out.

I'm learning to run.

I want to run a 5 k.

I'm training.

I'm looking at life differently.

There are things I want to do.

I want to live.

I'm learning my way.

I'll come out again.

More Snow Again!

I have to laugh. For years I've heard people complain of it not snowing like it use to when we were young. I think Heaven could remember a couple of snows but Sky and Meadow couldn't remember any big snows. People in our area have prayed and let me tell you, God has heard and He has answered. It's funny though, because after the first snow in December, that was all people wanted. They'd had enough and were ready for the Lord to stop sending snow. All the griping and complaining going on about it can be disheartening and I was wondering how to respond to the negativity of it all. When I hear the sleet against the window pains and look out the window and see the magnificent Winter Wonder Land that the Lord has shared with us, I don't fear power outages, my spirit soars with praise at His wonders! Then He gave me this passage.

Job 37

¹ "At the sound of his thunder, my heart pounds

as if it will jump out of my chest.

² Listen! Listen to the thunder of God's voice

and to the rumbling that comes from his mouth.

³ He turns his lightning loose under the whole sky

and sends it to the farthest parts of the earth.

⁴ After that you can hear the roar

when he thunders with a great sound.

He does not hold back the flashing

when his voice is heard.

⁵ God's voice thunders in wonderful ways;

he does great things we cannot understand.

⁶ He says to the snow, 'Fall on the earth,'

and to the shower, 'Be a heavy rain.'

⁷ With it, he stops everyone from working

so everyone knows it is the work of God.

⁸ The animals take cover from the rain

and stay in their dens.

⁹ The storm comes from where it was stored;

the cold comes with the strong winds.

¹⁰ The breath of God makes ice,

and the wide waters become frozen.

¹¹ He fills the clouds with water

and scatters his lightning through them.

¹² At his command they swirl around

over the whole earth,

doing whatever he commands.

¹³ He uses the clouds to punish people

or to water his earth and show his love.

¹⁴ "Job, listen to this:

Stop and notice God's miracles.

¹⁵ Do you know how God controls the clouds

and makes his lightning flash?

¹⁶ Do you know how the clouds hang in the sky?

Do you know the miracles of God, who knows everything?

¹⁷ You suffer in your clothes

when the land is silenced by the hot, south wind.

¹⁸ You cannot stretch out the sky like God

and make it look as hard as polished bronze.

¹⁹ Tell us what we should say to him;

we cannot get our arguments ready because we do not have enough understanding.

²⁰ Should God be told that I want to speak?

Would a person ask to be swallowed up?

²¹ No one can look at the sun

when it is bright in the sky

after the wind has blown all the clouds away.

²² God comes out of the north in golden light,

in overwhelming greatness.

²³ The Almighty is too high for us to reach.

He has great strength;

he is always right and never punishes unfairly.

²⁴ That is why people honor him;

he does not respect those who say they are wise."

Notice especially verses 5-7. I love being reminded of His greatness.

More Snow!!

The girls have had company and we are all snowed it together. It's been fun. They try to go outside and play in the snow but it's so incredibly cold they don't last very long. It's a powdery snow too and doesn't stick together well, so it isn't good for building snowmen.

I wanted to try and do some extra school with the girls but having friends over makes that hard.

Tony's friend Barry came over and scraped the driveway for us. I still don't think we can get out. I'm not real sure how the roads are, many of them still haven't been scraped and we don't have a four wheel drive. We really don't need anything, I'm pretty well stocked, but there is something about just knowing that can't go anywhere that makes you want to go somewhere! :)

We bought quite a few $4 movies at Walmart before the snow but only have two left that we haven't watched. That explains what we've been doing since being snowed in!

Church was cancelled today and that is disappointing but no-one could have made it there.

I've been reading over some of my older posts here on Jenileigh's Journey and it saddened me to see the direction that things have taken. In my opinion I give you updates on how I'm doing but that is about it. My homeschool blog did take away some of our life here but is thriving because it is such a huge part of us. I feel it was the right thing to do, it needed a place of it's own. Here though, on Jenileigh's Journey, I use to share so much about the Lord and how He helped, spoke to and taught me things. There were so many teachings and revelations. It is my heart felt prayer that that can find that again.

Part of the problem is time and part of it is because of things I've been going through. Maybe I can find a balance between the two and get to back to the heart of why I started this blog to begin with.

Mid-Month

It's been a hard new year so far. We've been battling a horrible sickness in our home. This is particularly hard on me because I'm not usually one to catch things. I like being able to take care of everyone else and suffer only from a little exhaustion and keep moving on. I guess all mom's are like that.

Meadow started with the vomiting. The virus seemed to have a 3-4 day incubation period. It made rounds in this order: Meadow, Sky, Tony, Me. Then it seemed to double back with a different stomach bug-no vomiting but a terrible stomach ache and diarrhea. This was just something Tony and I got and it lasted several days.

I got very weak and felt like doing little of nothing. I don't like to blog when I'm down so I haven't written very much. I should have asked for prayer.

So, keep us in prayer and pray for healing and that we get back on our feet, physically and spiritually.

Happy New Year 2010

We spent New Year's Eve at home together, with the exception of Sky-who spent the night at her best friends house. Heaven and Matt came over and we watched movies, ate tacos, million dollar pie, lemon chess cheese cake pie, twizzlers and gobstoppers! Meadow had her girlfriend Brittany over. After the movie everyone (but me) played the Wii. I have to say the Wii is probably everyone's favorite Christmas present. I had a pretty bad tummy ache (that time you know) so I laid on the couch and enjoyed watching them. I had a great time. I hope that each and everyone of you had a blessed New Years Eve as well. I am looking very forward to 2010!

Happy New Year

It's Snowed!

It snowed about 12 inches and the greatest thing is that they are calling for more. I'm quite sure we will finally get that White Christmas after all these years! Below are a few of our Christmas pictures. The end ones are where Tony got stuck on our road trying to get to the driveway!

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let is Snow!

They are calling for snow tomorrow!

I'm soooo excited!!!

Wouldn't it be just lovely to have a White Christmas!

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

Christmas Parade and Banquet

What a busy week. Tony and I went to the Christmas play all alone! Sky went with her friends and Meadow was at a friend's house and didn't want us to come and get her to take her to the play. Can you believe that? I can't. I'd rather go to the parade any day! LOL

We took our comfy chairs, stopped and got some delicious hot cocoa from Honduras Coffee Shop, (Tony got coffee) and laid back and watched the parade while the people threw tons of candy at us. You just can't beat that at Christmas time. :)

Yesterday we had our Christmas banquet at church. It was a lot of work but we had a great time.

Below are a few pictures from our weekend. (I'm still praying that the Lord send us inches and more inches of snow this winter!)

Me

Page and my hubby Tony

Trinity

Pretty Horses

James- my son in law's dad

Sparky the dog

Goats celebrate Christmas too!

Santa

Our Pastors

Callie a sweet girl from our church and me. She loves me so much and I have no idea why. She just attached herself to me. I love it when little ones do this.

This is me with Callie and her sister Grace.

This is Page's daughter Lilli Ann.

Lilli Ann

Meadow and her good friend Mowpheth.