September 10, 2012

Hard Things

You know, many things in life are hard. There are different kinds of hard too. Right now my hard thing is RN School. I'm flabbergasted. I'm overwhelmed.

I'm one month in. This week is my fourth week.

I had heard people speak of nursing school. I had heard their horror stories. I thought I had prepared. I was sure to take every single class I could ahead of time. I only have my nursing core left. I don't believe I'll be full-time but one semester in two years.

Boy was I wrong.

Since week one there has been this overwhelming pressure to perform. At first it was math tests. You have three chances or you're out. We lost several. I had to test 3 times. That 3rd time was so nerve wracking.

This week we begun real assessments. We had two today. I was so nervous I had sweat dripping from my nose and my eye lashes, continuously dripping. I'm still waiting for my grades.

I have a 6 chapter test on Wednesday.

I have a 9 or 10 chapter test on Thursday.

We will have 3 more assessments on Monday. Harder than those two we done today.

My back hurts. Really hurts. I didn't raise my bed high enough. I can barely stand. I'll never forget to raise the bed again, not EVER!

God had mercy on me by providing me with Tuesdays off. Thank-You Lord for that sweet day of mercy.

At one time I had said that if I didn't make it through this semester I would go back until I did.

Today I decided that isn't the case. If I fail my first semester I won't go back. I don't think I can live through it again! I won't quit. I'll give it my all. I know I CAN do HARD things. I just never dreamed it would be this hard. I pray I pass.

On the way home from my mom and dad's tonight and after many tears, all I could do was praise the Lord and thank Him for this beautiful night. The cool, crisp, fall air. The many, many stars in the sky. The praise and worship on the radio. Thank-You Lord for this break! Thank-You Lord for this peace, this beautiful world. This life. Life as I knew it before nursing school. :)

Thank-You for this opportunity in nursing school. You will be the ONLY thing that gets me through. It's only through Christ that I can do all things. I pray this is Your will. I have and will give it my all. My blood, sweat and tears. Your will be done.

In Jesus name I pray.

And I've only just begun. I've heard that slow and steady win the race. I won't give up. I will not quit.

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