January 29, 2009

Sky

Sky had oral surgery on Tuesday to have a baby tooth that was ankelosed to the bone in her face removed. Surgery went well but her recovery is slow. Her face is very very swollen and she is in a lot of pain. Please keep her in prayer.

Also, if you would, join in prayer for our finances. The enemy is trying to knock us down but we are standing on Jesus and calling forth His blessings for us.

Thanks friends!

January 25, 2009

Trusting God

I love our church. I know I've said that before and I just have to say it again. It is so wonderful to have Pastors who truly seek the Lord and put Him first, who truly spend time in prayer for you and your family, who take the time to get to know you and your needs. It's wonderful to be in a church that operates in God's perfect order. For a long time I didn't understand what that perfect order for a church was. I had been misled and taught wrong.

February will mark our 2 year anniversary. I look back and remember how hard it was to leave our last church. I remember how the Lord led us out by force and how we felt so hurt and betrayed. We questioned the Lord not understanding what was going on and He continued to lead us, in His perfect time, the exact place that He wanted us to be to serve and be fed. If I'm completely honest with myself I'll admit that I didn't want to go the church the Lord led us to. I was so resistant. I kept feeling the Lord leading us there but I fought it. In my mind it was just too simple of a solution and I wanted a more difficult solution to our problem. How could the answer be right here under my nose?

I'm ever so grateful for the Lord's patience with me and His persistence. I pray that often, "Lord pursue me, never stop knocking." I can be so hard headed and He knows this. I love His care to detail and I'm reminded of how He has my best interest at heart and that He had something better in store for me than I would have had for myself. He knows, when we don't. If we can put away our stubborn pride and get our own minds out of the way. If we will be willing to relinquish that control and let Him lead, trusting Him even when we don't understand, instead of trying to figure things out on our own, making them more difficult then they really are....then we can truly see Him work. It's then that you know that you had nothing to do with it, it was all God.

Learning to trust God. In all things. Learning to be about His business instead of our own.

I spoke a couple of posts back about a word that was spoken over me last week. Millie, a sweet sweet, bold warrior for Jesus Christ taped the word, typed it out and brought it to me. I'm ever so thankful for that. It is so hard to remember all of the word and I love having the word to ponder. I'm going to share the word in its entirety.

"I HEARD THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD SAY, 'TAKE HEART, MY DAUGHTER' HE SAYS, 'YOU HAVE A LARGE HEART AND YOU HAVE A LOT OF LOVE INSIDE OF YOU,' AND GOD SAYS,'THERE ARE MANY, MANY, CHILDREN THAT I WANT YOUR HANDS TO TOUCH, AND I WANT YOU TO MINISTER TO,' SAYS THE SPIRIT OF GOD. HE SAYS,'SOME BLACK HEADED ONES, SOME BROWN HEADED ONES, SOME BLONDE ONES, SOME THAT ARE SMALL, AND SOME THAT ARE BIG.' GOD SAYS THAT YOU HAVE A DESIRE TO REACH OUT AND TOUCH THEM, AND GOD IS ABOUT TO OPEN UP SOME THINGS WHERE THIS IS CONCERNED, BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SEE THAT, BECAUSE THE DEVIL KNOWS IT. GOD SAYS,'YOU'RE GOING TO BE ABLE TO BRING KIDS, SOME CHILDREN, SOME LITTLE ONES LIKE STAIR STEPS, YOU'RE GOING TO BEGIN, YOU'RE GOING TO BRING THEM OUT OF BONDAGE, YOU'RE GOING TO BE LIKE A NURSING MOTHER TO THEM' SAYS THE SPIRIT OF GOD' AND YOU'RE GOING TO FEED THEM WITH THE MILK OF THE LIVING WORD, AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE A MIGHTY WOMAN OF VALOR, AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE A MIGHTY DELIVERER TO THEM IN THE NAME OF JESUS.' AND THE LORD SAYS,'SATAN IS ANGERED AT THAT, BECAUSE IT'S BEEN SPOKEN IN THE SPIRIT; AND SATAN KNOWS THE ANOINTING THAT'S THERE UPON YOU.' GOD SAYS,'GET READY', BECAUSE HE IS BEGINNING TO BREATHE UPON YOU, BEGINNING TO MOVE ON YOU; AND I SEE CLOUDS BREAKING UP AND THE SUN BREAKING THROUGH, AND I SEE THE MIGHTY HAND OF GOD BEING RELEASED. I SEE A GOLDEN VESSEL, AND IT'S POURING OUT GOLDEN OIL UPON YOUR HEAD TONIGHT...AND THE LORD SAYS, 'BE FREE IN THE NAME OF JESUS RIGHT NOW."


This just shows more about God's plans and purpose for our lives. It shows how easy it is for us to think we have it all figured out. If we let ourselves get caught up in our wants, we become miserable because we aren't getting them, and we miss what the Lord has in store for us. It's time to wake up.

I wanted more children, I have prayed, petitioned and sought God and cried out like Hannah for a son like Samuel for years and years now. I've questioned God, I've stomped my feet, I've cried and thrown temper tantrums, I've felt worthless and less than other women, I've thought it was my sin, something I hadn't repented for that was closing my womb. All the time it was the Lord planting that desire in my heart but I was so blinded by how I wanted it to come to pass that I was missing the purpose that the Lord had for me.

The Lord has begun over the last few months to reveal things to me about His plan and not my own and then hearing this word is more confirmation. My thinking has gone from *my* to God's.

Right now I have baby Aiden here in my home. I look at him and my thoughts begin with, "Oh how I wish you were mine little one." But then I am reminded by my Father, "My daughter, this child is Mine and I need you to care for him and love him as if he came from your womb." I know that Aiden may not be permanent and I'm fine with that. I know that God has His hands on Aiden and I want to do what my Father wants me to do for Aiden. I also know that more are coming. I don't know from where, and I don't know how I just know they are coming.

I pray the Lord prepare me, that He keep my heart and that He reminds me of my purpose for Him. It's not about me, it's all about Him.

Thank-you Father for choosing me, I knew this desire in my heart was so strong and it wasn't going anywhere, it feels good to know why. Forgive my lack of trust and my impatience. I pray that I can remember to trust You in all things, to follow Your lead, to not take a step forward, backwards or to the sides without Your direction. Keep Your hand upon my mouth, let me not speak a word too few or a word too many. Keep me close to You. I bind my selfishness and I ask You to give me spiritual eyes to see and spiritual ears to hear. I want to be in Your perfect will. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

January 22, 2009

Pray For Life



I came across this post on a dear sweet missionaries page today and I was reminded to pray for life. Take a moment and read it here at Mission Minded Life by Ann Dunagan. And here is another wonderful post and video here at Forever His. And remember, pray for life!

January 19, 2009

Revealing My Heart

The other night everyone in my house was asleep but me. I couldn't resist the urge to run around and take pictures of the girls.

Meadow, my baby girl. She is growing up so fast. Sometimes I think just knowing how fast she really is growing leaves me desperate for another child. I'm trying so hard to face reality. There is just no way to know. Either way I'm ever so grateful for them.



Look at Sky. I can't believe how she is sleeping. She looks like I posed her! We both laughed at this later. She said, "Momma, I never sleep like that!" I said, "Well you did that night!" She looks so peaceful. I pray she has peace all of her life.



Heaven. Oh my. I can't believe she is getting married in May. Life is changing ever so fast for me....and Heaven for that matter. All her life I've prayed for time to slow down, and here it is. She has grown up, but looking at her in this picture, she doesn't look it. She looks just like my little girl.



I had word spoken over me at church last night. It was a wonderful confirmation of what the Lord had shown me at Christmas. Below is a post I hadn't published here.

Saturday I sewed costumes for 3 and 1/2 hours. I was amazed as I am not a very talented seamstress. As I worked it became obvious to me that it was not *I* who was working but the Holy Spirit working through me. I was doing some amazing things that I knew I didn't know how to do. As this revelation hit me I began to pray in the spirit as I sewed. As I prayed the Lord spoke to me, ever so softly, ever so gently, about my womb and my desire for children. As He spoke the tears streamed down my face.

What a glorious feeling, what a wonderful, unexplainable experience.

The Lord told me that He had plans for me. Plans that He couldn't totally reveal just yet but that I was on the right track. He is going to give me children. He is actually in the process, as I sewed and worked with these youth, of doing just that. He showed me faces of those that I would help and minister to and He told me it was much much larger than what I was seeing. He allowed me to see myself, the kind of wife and mother I am, and a picture of my life from the outside looking in.

It was at this moment that I realized if my womb were opened my work at church would be done for another season. With a babe in my womb my ministry would change as I would have to revert back to my home in the way I knew the Lord would want me to. There is no way that I could be in the ministry with these youth AND be the kind of mother I need to be to a baby. I pour my all into my family, as I should. It's biblical to put the Lord first, your family second and then the ministry.

Instead of blessing me with one child to raise He is going to give me many children to share the love of Christ with now.

Today at the Christmas Play some of what the Lord had spoken to me began to unfold. At the beginning of the play as the children walked into the sanctuary there was a little girl in tears, too afraid to walk alone, who needed me to carry her. With her on my hip I seen a little boy fighting with two other boys and they were holding up the line. I had that little boy come and hold my other hand. As I marched onto that stage, I was not alone, but in fact *with* two children. I cannot explain the peace that I felt.

Towards the end of the play there was a different little girl who began to cry, I squatted down to see what was wrong. She needed to be held. I sat down on the stage as I cradled this precious little girl and then here came another. I held one and wrapped my left arm around the other little girl and then here came the little boy who was fighting earlier. We bowed our heads and prayed. My quiver was full. These children were bonding with me in a way that I had not seen or realized before. They call me by name. They feel safe in my arms.

Some of the children in our church are bused in. Their parents aren't serving the Lord, some are very poor, some are on drugs and there are some who are abusing their children. There are several sets of parents in our church who have adopted some of these children. They haven't had to go through typical adoption agencies because some of these children's parents have just chosen to give them up. I praise God that they've been adopted to a safe Christian home and that they are members at our church. The Lord has called me to intercess and stand in the gap for them because He has a call on their lives.

I'm not saying that I believe I'll never have another child naturally. I'm saying that I have peace with whatever the Lord has planned for my womb because I know I am doing what He has called me to do. I know that no matter what happens the Lord fully intends to surround me with children who need Him. I truly want His will to be done. His dreams for me are bigger than any dream I've ever had for myself. It's not about ME, it's all about HIM. And I can't wait to experience all that He has in store for me! end


Last night my pastor spoke so much of this same thing over me. He said "The Lord sees your heart, your heart is so tender and so big. I see children all around you, children with brown hair, blonde hair, little children, older children, like stair steps all around you. The Lord says, He is going to use you to minister to them and pull them up and out of the mess."

There was so much more but I can't recall every word. I just know I heard it from the Lord and had visions from Him in December and this confirmation, this reminder, was so needed!

I just want to give thanks to Him for showing me once again that the purpose that He has for me is so much more important than the one I had for myself. My vision is changing. My direction, my desire, my wants are changing direction. The same but different. I want to help these children, I want to shine Jesus for them. I want to be ready. I don't want one to suffer because I didn't take heed or prepare. I don't want to waste my life wanting something that isn't God's will.

Lord thank-You. Please Father, keep Your hand upon me and help to keep me focused. I love and praise You. You have blessed me with so much. I never ever want to seem ungrateful or unsatisfied. Amen!

Another Blog Giveaway!

I just love these contests. The fun comes because there are times I actually win! Not always but sometimes and sometimes is good enough for me. This giveaway is for a blog design by Judi at Doodlebug Designs. You can click the button below to read about it!



Doodlebug Designs Giveaway


As you probably already know Judi designed my blog at Kingdom Academy. And I LOVE it! It's my favorite one by far! :)


Kingdom Academy


So come on and join the fun!

January 17, 2009

If I go missing

for a bit, you can find me here


Kingdom Academy


I'll be between both of course but I didn't want you to think I'd disappeared!

January 6, 2009

I'm pooped

I woke up this morning to Meadow and Sky arguing. Ugh! Sky left quickly with Heaven to go to their dress fitting. I knew Meadow and I would have a free day today to catch up on a few school things and I wanted to do the birds nest project we had kept putting off. I decided first that we would go out together and get a bite to eat.

I had this wonderfully bliss picture in my mind of the two of us bonding.

Hilarious!

I'm sure that we bonded in some strange way just not in the way I had imagined.

Meadow insisted on eating at the Mexican Restaurant, I really wanted breakfast at Tex but I give and we went Mexican. Meadow loves their cheese dip, she ordered a lunch special and a cheese dip. The waiter never brought the cheese dip. The food was ready really fast, no wait at all, and her plate was covered in cheese. I decided that I wouldn't tell him and I'd save the $3. Meadow had a fit. She ate all of her cheese and most of her plate. I knew from experience that she usually eats one or the other but never both. She kept nagging me to ask the waiter for her dip. I told her no. She refused to eat another bite. We got a to go box and left. (On the way out I bought her a sucker.)

I mentioned stopping to get some ice cream on the way home but she was angry and said no way. We had gotten about half way home and she decided she wanted the ice cream. Since I was coming up on the stop light at Wendy's I pulled in. I had coupons to get free frosties. In the drive through after I had placed the order Meadow says, "What? Frosties?!!! You SAID ice cream! Frosties isn't Ice Cream! I want ICE CREAM!........and you KNOW that a frosty isn't ICE CREAM"

Sheesh.

I haven't a clue what world I was in today but I should have kept her frosty and went home and given her a time out or grounded her or something. I told her she was ungrateful and that it would have been nice to have had a thank-you instead of me having to hear her fuss all day long.

She said this, "Well, if you'll tell me you are sorry you didn't ask him for MY cheese dip, I'll tell you I'm sorry."

You know what I did?

Yep, I told her I was sorry that the waiter didn't bring her the cheese dip but that I was trying to save money.

Tony asked me if I'd lost my mind.

I don't know what got into me today but I do know one thing. I've raised a very spoiled child.

I watched her walking through my front door with her pretty rain coat on, frosty in her hand and sucker stuck down in her frosty. It would have been a very pretty picture if there would have been a smile on her face instead of that smirk that stated loudly, "My mom hasn't a clue what she is doing and I Meadow, am grown at the age of 7 and way more intelligent than my mommy."

Later she did, on her own, come and apologize to me. I can't tell you how thankful I was, because whatever it was that went with me today, it wasn't my little girl. It was an imposter I tell you! An imposter. I think its name is "CONTROL FREAK."

Lord I pray, you show me the way......

January 3, 2009

Digging Deeper

The mail ran today. It was full of magazines and I just love magazines. One was for Heaven, it was her new Beauty Control magazine, new products and deals. The next one was a spring catalog full of seeds and lots of goodies for planting gardens and such for the upcoming season. It always makes me want to have a big garden but I'm rarely able to care for it. Well, I should say, I rarely take care of it the way I should. This year I'm hoping to do some garden boxes. Tony says he'll help build them and I'm going to do my best to make them a priority. I love fresh veggies. A garden provides such a great reward for the hard work you put into it. Last year my mother in law had a very large garden and we spent enormous amounts of time canning. I've been very grateful for the food its provided my family through the winter.

The other magazine that came was Today's Christian Woman. I found this great article that really touched and moved me. Over the stress of my extended family, the holidays and such I've allowed myself to be a little worn down. I've been less tolerant and not as sweet spirited as usual. I haven't had the patience that I should have with the children and I guess I've allowed some negativity to seep in through the cracks. I was just thinking about my attitude the other day and how busy I seem to be with everything. I had the thought that maybe it was winter, maybe it was the cold. I do tend to lean a little towards the depressional side of things in the winter even though I absolutely love this time of year. (I do wish it would snow!)

I've been hardest I believe on my husband. Nothing major but in the little things you know? Nagging, making comments, thinking of the things that he does that gets on my nerves so bad. Things like not putting his dirty clothes downstairs, or cleaning up after himself in the kitchen, leaving his shoes out in the floor for me to trip on, not hanging up his jackets. I've been focusing on the things *I* want him to do and on the things he isn't doing. Then justifying my attitude, my thoughts and my comments because, after all, they are true. I have taken my eyes off of Christ and and my sins and focused them on my husband.

I'm not even going to share some of the thoughts that have begun to enter my thoughts about my husband and our relationship lately. I believe they come from the allowing of the flesh to rule and not feasting upon God's word. I became full of pride and even some vanity in thinking of myself as so much better because I do the things I should. What deceit.

The Lord used the magazine article that I read to open my eyes to this deceit. While the article is an extreme example, it hit home none the less. It was about a woman who had decided to divorce her husband. She packed her things and went to her mother's house and poured her heart out to her mother. Her mother advised her to do one thing first. She took a sheet of paper and drew a line straight down the center. She asked her daughter to write down everything her husband had done to upset her. It was so easy for her to do. As I was reading the story I too began to mentally make my list of all the things my husband has done lately to irritate me, the things that really got on my nerves. Her list became very long, as was mine.

Well of course the lady thought her mom was going to ask her to write down the good things about her husband in the other column, I did too. I thought I had this one figured out. Instead, her mother asked her to write down how she responded in word and action to each thing that she had listed about her husband. As she began to fill out the page, shame, humiliation and guilt began to overcome her. She continued anyway, just I did in my mind. Then her mother took the list and cut the line drawn down the center. She handed her daughter the side that listed her behaviors and told her to go home and pray about them. If after she had done that, she still wanted the divorce, she could return and her mother and father would support her in the divorce.

It was at this point I was brought to my knees. I repented long and hard for the disrespect and dishonor that I had shown my husband. I repented for thinking I was better, and for thinking that he was the one who was blessed to have me. I repented for being ungrateful for the man that my Father had chosen for me to spend the rest of my life with. I remembered our vows, our vow to one another, to remain together forever, come what may, for better or for worse. I remembered that I use to pray for Tony and ask the Lord to speak to him about things that he did that bothered me. I remembered that many times Tony had truly done nothing at all, it was just my attitude or my mood for the day that caused me to be irritated. I was reminded to look deeper than what appeared on the surface.

I laid my head on my husband's back while we were watching a movie together and I thanked God for him. I praised God for him. And I asked my husband to forgive me. He had no clue why. I told him I was sorry for my attitude, my disrespect and dishonor to him lately and he just thought as usual, I was being over emotional. I had to laugh.

So thank-You Lord for speaking to me today. Thank-You for redirecting me and getting me back on track. I'm grateful that I was fallen only for a few months. Years of this would indefinitely lead to not only mental abuse affecting everyone in our household but also to divorce. Father God I praise You that You spare me, that Your forgiveness is unending and that Your love is unconditional. Father please continue to teach me how to love the way you love. We both know that without You, I'm not capable. Thank-You for another year with the man that I love. In Jesus Christ's name I pray, Amen.

Happy New Year everyone!