Trusting God

I love our church. I know I've said that before and I just have to say it again. It is so wonderful to have Pastors who truly seek the Lord and put Him first, who truly spend time in prayer for you and your family, who take the time to get to know you and your needs. It's wonderful to be in a church that operates in God's perfect order. For a long time I didn't understand what that perfect order for a church was. I had been misled and taught wrong.

February will mark our 2 year anniversary. I look back and remember how hard it was to leave our last church. I remember how the Lord led us out by force and how we felt so hurt and betrayed. We questioned the Lord not understanding what was going on and He continued to lead us, in His perfect time, the exact place that He wanted us to be to serve and be fed. If I'm completely honest with myself I'll admit that I didn't want to go the church the Lord led us to. I was so resistant. I kept feeling the Lord leading us there but I fought it. In my mind it was just too simple of a solution and I wanted a more difficult solution to our problem. How could the answer be right here under my nose?

I'm ever so grateful for the Lord's patience with me and His persistence. I pray that often, "Lord pursue me, never stop knocking." I can be so hard headed and He knows this. I love His care to detail and I'm reminded of how He has my best interest at heart and that He had something better in store for me than I would have had for myself. He knows, when we don't. If we can put away our stubborn pride and get our own minds out of the way. If we will be willing to relinquish that control and let Him lead, trusting Him even when we don't understand, instead of trying to figure things out on our own, making them more difficult then they really are....then we can truly see Him work. It's then that you know that you had nothing to do with it, it was all God.

Learning to trust God. In all things. Learning to be about His business instead of our own.

I spoke a couple of posts back about a word that was spoken over me last week. Millie, a sweet sweet, bold warrior for Jesus Christ taped the word, typed it out and brought it to me. I'm ever so thankful for that. It is so hard to remember all of the word and I love having the word to ponder. I'm going to share the word in its entirety.

"I HEARD THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD SAY, 'TAKE HEART, MY DAUGHTER' HE SAYS, 'YOU HAVE A LARGE HEART AND YOU HAVE A LOT OF LOVE INSIDE OF YOU,' AND GOD SAYS,'THERE ARE MANY, MANY, CHILDREN THAT I WANT YOUR HANDS TO TOUCH, AND I WANT YOU TO MINISTER TO,' SAYS THE SPIRIT OF GOD. HE SAYS,'SOME BLACK HEADED ONES, SOME BROWN HEADED ONES, SOME BLONDE ONES, SOME THAT ARE SMALL, AND SOME THAT ARE BIG.' GOD SAYS THAT YOU HAVE A DESIRE TO REACH OUT AND TOUCH THEM, AND GOD IS ABOUT TO OPEN UP SOME THINGS WHERE THIS IS CONCERNED, BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SEE THAT, BECAUSE THE DEVIL KNOWS IT. GOD SAYS,'YOU'RE GOING TO BE ABLE TO BRING KIDS, SOME CHILDREN, SOME LITTLE ONES LIKE STAIR STEPS, YOU'RE GOING TO BEGIN, YOU'RE GOING TO BRING THEM OUT OF BONDAGE, YOU'RE GOING TO BE LIKE A NURSING MOTHER TO THEM' SAYS THE SPIRIT OF GOD' AND YOU'RE GOING TO FEED THEM WITH THE MILK OF THE LIVING WORD, AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE A MIGHTY WOMAN OF VALOR, AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE A MIGHTY DELIVERER TO THEM IN THE NAME OF JESUS.' AND THE LORD SAYS,'SATAN IS ANGERED AT THAT, BECAUSE IT'S BEEN SPOKEN IN THE SPIRIT; AND SATAN KNOWS THE ANOINTING THAT'S THERE UPON YOU.' GOD SAYS,'GET READY', BECAUSE HE IS BEGINNING TO BREATHE UPON YOU, BEGINNING TO MOVE ON YOU; AND I SEE CLOUDS BREAKING UP AND THE SUN BREAKING THROUGH, AND I SEE THE MIGHTY HAND OF GOD BEING RELEASED. I SEE A GOLDEN VESSEL, AND IT'S POURING OUT GOLDEN OIL UPON YOUR HEAD TONIGHT...AND THE LORD SAYS, 'BE FREE IN THE NAME OF JESUS RIGHT NOW."

This just shows more about God's plans and purpose for our lives. It shows how easy it is for us to think we have it all figured out. If we let ourselves get caught up in our wants, we become miserable because we aren't getting them, and we miss what the Lord has in store for us. It's time to wake up.

I wanted more children, I have prayed, petitioned and sought God and cried out like Hannah for a son like Samuel for years and years now. I've questioned God, I've stomped my feet, I've cried and thrown temper tantrums, I've felt worthless and less than other women, I've thought it was my sin, something I hadn't repented for that was closing my womb. All the time it was the Lord planting that desire in my heart but I was so blinded by how I wanted it to come to pass that I was missing the purpose that the Lord had for me.

The Lord has begun over the last few months to reveal things to me about His plan and not my own and then hearing this word is more confirmation. My thinking has gone from *my* to God's.

Right now I have baby Aiden here in my home. I look at him and my thoughts begin with, "Oh how I wish you were mine little one." But then I am reminded by my Father, "My daughter, this child is Mine and I need you to care for him and love him as if he came from your womb." I know that Aiden may not be permanent and I'm fine with that. I know that God has His hands on Aiden and I want to do what my Father wants me to do for Aiden. I also know that more are coming. I don't know from where, and I don't know how I just know they are coming.

I pray the Lord prepare me, that He keep my heart and that He reminds me of my purpose for Him. It's not about me, it's all about Him.

Thank-you Father for choosing me, I knew this desire in my heart was so strong and it wasn't going anywhere, it feels good to know why. Forgive my lack of trust and my impatience. I pray that I can remember to trust You in all things, to follow Your lead, to not take a step forward, backwards or to the sides without Your direction. Keep Your hand upon my mouth, let me not speak a word too few or a word too many. Keep me close to You. I bind my selfishness and I ask You to give me spiritual eyes to see and spiritual ears to hear. I want to be in Your perfect will. In Jesus name I pray. Amen