September 25, 2010

Finding Myself

You know I've spent the last few hours reading over some of my older posts again.

My discovery is so odd, and yet at the same time, makes perfect sense.

The Lord was filling me around the end of 2009. At the time I thought that He was getting me through the moments, the days, the trials, BUT as I look back and read what the Lord was speaking to me, what He was saying so clearly, He was teaching me, preparing me...well at least trying to prepare me, as much as I would allow, for the attack to come during the early part of 2010.

Instead of absorbing and really learning, truly listening and retaining, I shared with everyone as though I had word of knowledge for THEM and I emptied everything out without retaining the lessons He was teaching ME.

The lessons that were meant for ME.

Sharing is perfectly fine, but if you empty out what has been given to you without absorbing it, you've gained nothing.

As I look back now, I can clearly see how my Father provided me absolutely everything I needed to overcome every obstacle, every trial that came my way. As I prayed it was like I was asking Him to do it for me, take care of this for me, make it go away but He expects us to do our part. He gives us what we need and He expects us to use it.

It seems almost silly now, so obvious, but at that time I couldn't see it. I was so hungry for God, yearning for Him to speak to me, convinced that my relationship with Him wasn't good enough or strong enough or right enough or real enough......

Then I wind up here.

And the view from here shows me that it WAS good, it WAS strong, it WAS right and it WAS very very real.

I needed this.

I know my way now.

Thank-You Father for Your revelation. I am truly on my way back.


Devoted said...

Amen, Sister! I once took two friends with me to a women's conference. I took them because one suddenly lost her husband to a heart-attack and the other was in the second round of breast cancer. I thought I was being a good friend, road trip and all. Come to find out... I was the one that needed the lessons all along.

Isn't it wonderful that He leads us where we need to go? Even when we sometimes have to look backwards to see the lesson.

God is so good, so faithful, so wonderful and always has our answers...even before we know we have an issue!

In HIS grip :-D

Susan said...

It is always a process and always His work in us. And, it never ends!!!