Days Go By

Psalm 143:7-8 – Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I’ll lift up my soul.

This month has drug by so slowly. I have been so down. Real down.

This last week I've been depressed, so sad, weak, and helpless.

I study, I read, do quizzes, case studies, NCLEX practice questions, but it seems as though none of it matters.

I hate feeling this way. Like I'm failing, drowning and there is nothing I can do to save me.

I've been thinking a lot lately. I mean reality has to hit sooner or later right? If I can't pass these tests then I'm going to fail out of school.

That thought hurts. It's also embarrassing.

I battle. Do I quit? Do I drop out? Can I pull my averages up? Am I wasting my time?

I promised myself one thing from the beginning, and that was, that I would not quit.

No matter what.

I would not quit.

I never knew it would be this hard.

This week has been a very emotional week. I've struggled. Really struggled.

Today, I don't have any answers. I have no inspiration.

But I know the One who does. He hasn't shared them with me yet but He will. Until then, I'll lean on Him, and trust in Him, because I know He is holding me, protecting me, and leading my foot steps.

I don't know what my future holds but I praise the Lord that He holds my future.

Snowy Beauty

Isaiah 1:18 Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

Last night we got a little surprise. They were calling for ice but we got snow. I think a little ice came in before the snow hit but the snow is so billowing and beautiful.

Tony was off work, I am out of school, Savannah Sky is home, and school was canceled for Meadow.

Family Day.

I love them.

Few and far between.

Meadow has been a little under the weather for over a week now. Cold with sore throat and continuous cough. She has a doctors appointment in an hour. Tony and I are going to upgrade our cell phones. I think it's time for the Droid! I'm oober excited.

Meadow has been asked to go on a mini vacation with one of her good friends from school. They are going snow tubing, spending the night in a hotel, eating out and possibly going tubing again the next day. I am so thankful for opportunities like this. I know she is going to have a blast. She leaves in the morning.

Tony and I have decided that we are going to the beach for a few days over spring break. I cannot wait. We are planning to take his mom as well. The beach is her favorite place and she has not been in 13 years. I talked to her yesterday about it and she was so excited.

God is good. We are so blessed to be able to enjoy the life we live together. Family, so tightly knit together.

Guess I need to get ready to head out, and prepare for studying this evening and weekend. Unless we head back out to Honduras Coffee Shop tonight. Another musician is playing and I LOVE the folk music and the company.

Oh, I almost forgot. I am going to share a couple of pictures of our snow. It's not a lot but it is definitely enough. I enjoy the serenity of it.

 

 

Our trees in our back yard. 

 

 

Meadow's foot prints on our back porch off of our kitchen.

New Look!

I love the new look! The saying fits me and my mood perfectly. Content with today but knowing Spring is coming.

No matter how long the Winter, Spring is SURE TO FOLLOW! 

I love it. It feels good. The new look feels good. Knowing that Spring Break is just around the corner feels great! 

Even though nursing school is beyond the hardest thing I've ever imagined in my entire life, I am going to focus on the blessings of school. Having the schedule helps so much with my depression. Even when I have that time of the month, sick days, bad days, I get up and go anyway. For those who might know me, this is a HUGE achievement for me. 

Friends. I would have never ever guessed the new friends that the Lord was going to place into my life before attending nursing school. Not just one or two but so many I couldn't count. I had always heard how much competition was in nursing school but I have found that we all strive to help one another. Anything we can say, do, or offer to make things easier on each other we do and give freely. The spirit at school is beautiful. 

Teachers. I feel the exact same way about my teachers. The tests that I struggle so hard to pass are examples of what my NCLEX exam will be like. I will have to pass that STATE BOARD to become an RN AFTER I have graduated their program. I know that they are doing everything that they can to prepare me to pass and to become the best RN that I can be. 

Family. My family has hurt, cried, laughed, supported, hid, cooked, cleaned, washed and done everything imaginable to help me. I love them so much. So many times I have wanted to quit but I just keep reminding myself that nursing school is NOT forever. I am doing this FOR them. It will pay off in the end. 

God. I have had to rely on my Father so much in the last year. More than ever before. He works mighty miracles right before my eyes. He is so good. 

I'm heading to church now. I need to feast on His word. 

Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow! 

Over and Over

It's strange that everytime I say that this is THE hardest week, it isn't. It's just the hardest week up to that point. Everytime I think it can't get worse it can. I'd convinced myself I was too far behind to catch up this time. Not behind because I'm not working and studying, but behind because I simply cannot score high enough on my tests.

UGH!

The frustration is indescribable. I get 100's on quizzes, 95's on Case Studies, but I can't pass a stinking test.

Double UGH!

I've got to do something different. I'm reading, studying, writing, making flash cards, everything I know to do. Those questions kill me.

I had done my math wrong though and I'm still in the game.

Very in the game.

God reminded me once again. It is not through me that I do this. It is through HIM!

I feel much better now. The week is winding down and in two weeks I'll have spring break and a whole entire week off. Ahh.......

Happy Birthday Momma!

We woke up early Saturday morning. I was so excited. It was my momma's birthday. We fixed her a breakfast of biscuits, gravy, bacon, and eggs. She works third, got off work and came straight by the house. We had a surprise for her. We got her a vase of purple tulips and white gerber daisies and a birthday cake. I don't get to see my sweet momma as often as I want to and I wanted her to know how very much we love and miss her. She is precious to my soul. 

Happy Birthday Momma! 

We love you so much! 

Happy Valentine's Day

Tony got me the BIGGEST card eva for V-day. It was half as big as me. He always gets the girls and I a little something. I love him. Then came the Stargazers and pink roses. My absolute favorite. The stress from nursing school has been so over bearing I took a night off.

Then we all went to Honduras Coffee Shop for their Front Porch Festivities. I needed the break so bad. Heaven and Matt, Matt's family, Tony and I, his friend Barry. We had a ball. And we were home in bed before midnight.

The hubby and I 

My Son in Law's brother David, Me, Heaven.

Barry and Tony

Losing Weight

I've shared bits and pieces of my weight loss journey over the years. Often times I by pass writing about that part because I have had no real success over the past 6 years that I've been blogging. I'm up and down, I try different plans, but I don't stick to anything. Changing your way of eating is one of the hardest things ever to do. Sugar is more powerful than the strongest drug. I overcome my addiction in spurts but never truly over come it. It reminds me of the alcoholic, on and off the wagon. One taste and you're gone, you are on a week binge. There is no recovering from it, because the cravings, the stress, the relief when you eat sugar to relieve your stress.

Well, I'm back on the wagon praise God! With all the trouble I've had in nursing school-the brain fog, the exhaustion, the inability to recall what I've studied, I decided that I had to try something different.

My nursing buddy that the Lord gifted me with had wanted to lose weight and talked about different things since we began school last August. She's begged me to do something with but in my mind there was absolutely no way I could tackle anything else.

After reading and studying some more I came across something called the Whole 30. It reminded me so much of the low carb eating that I was use to doing and I remembered the cleared mind that eliminating sugar and simple carbohydrates would bring. I decided to go to the Atkin's diet to lose the weight and implement the Whole 30 into is as we go.

We are drinking nothing but water. No diet soda. I have had a cup of decaf with Splenda but that is only a once a week thing. The next step is add in the exercise. That step is always the hardest because of TIME. And it's not like you look forward to doing it in the beginning. Once I get going, I love a good work out. I like to sweat when I'm dressed for it. Sweating in regular clothes sucks though. :)

We are over a week in and through the withdrawals of caffeine. We are going hard through day 14 using the Induction Phase of Atkin's diet. It's working well. Today I hit the 5 pound mark. It's amazing to me how the body works. You take away those sugar carbs and it reverts to burning the actual body fat for energy. My brain fog is gone. My retention and understanding of what I am studying is stronger. I have more energy, which is crazy but makes sense at the same time because I have so much body fat to burn! roflol

I'll focus on doing a weekly update on the weight loss.

It feels good to be doing something about it.

This rest of this semester will show if this new way of eating helps me in the grade department. :)

Isaiah 41:10  fear not, for I am with you;  be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you,  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Love is so Sweet

With all of the stress of my life each day it's wonderful to have a day that goes so well. I've made it through 3 of my 4 days of school this week. Definitely not an easy week but it's almost over. This evening I come home and have the most wonderful fellowship with my family. Time spent with Meadow until she went to church and then Tony and I really enjoyed each other's company. Sadly it had been a while since we were able to sit and talk and just laugh and goof off.

It was nice. More than nice...I just don't have words.

In RN nursing school you honestly don't have a life outside of studying. It really makes you appreciate those sweet moments in between.

I've also been working on building my blog up. After going back and reading past posts, it really made me appreciate my accounts of our life. I think I'm doing pretty good with everything I have going on.

I have another quiz in the morning and another test next week. So... short and sweet. it's been a good week.

And an especially good night.....

The Need for Net, Will You Help?

One of the most frequent health problems we face here in Uganda is carried through a mosquito.  

It causes chills, fever, and body aches.

Many people are affected by the disease and would be able to tell you in detail how miserable it is.

Malaria.

Although many times it is easily managed and treated,
there are times when it causes life-long damage or even death.

Children who were once normal may now experience
cerebral palsy-type symptoms, being unable to walk
or even talk for the rest of their lives.

Some who went to school and excelled
may now struggle and fall behind due to mental delays.
These are real children who's faces we know
and we call them by name.

This year, Amazima is saying ENOUGH to Malaria.
Our aim is to provide enough mosquito nets to every family 
in our sponsorship program so that none of them have to be 
exposed while they sleep to the risk of malaria. 

Will you help us?

Our goal is to raise money for 400 mosquito nets; 
enough for one mosquito net for every two children in each sponsored family.  

One net costs around $7.  

Think about that.  

Seven dollars that will protect two kids for years to come.  Whether you can provide one net or one hundred nets, we can assure you that it will make a difference to the ones we work with and love so dearly. To say "enough" to malaria, click HERE and designate your gift towards Medical Care.* 

 This is me Jenileigh now. Everyone that knows me knows that I have a heart for Uganda. Savannah Sky spent a month there. While reading on Amazima today I read this. I'm passing it along for those eyes that may come across my page, that do not cross theirs. Please read the post below and please find a way in your heart to donate $7 for to protect two children from malaria. Post and share with me if you do. I can do so little right now being in school full time and living on one income but this week I am going to donate $21. That will be enough to protect 6 children.  I pray the Lord leads and guides your heart to help protect these precious children. And if you cannot give PRAY! I'd also love to hear from you if you pray for them. May God bless you each greatly and multiply your gift back to you two fold!