Yesterday was one of those days that I felt so down. I wanted to drink. I wanted to really drink. I felt as though I needed a release. I needed to get away. I needed to escape. It's strange how strong that feeling can be sometimes. I haven't shared a lot about it because honestly, most of the time, I try to deny it. To pretend it isn't there, that it never existed.
Instead, I found my release in One Tree Hill. Goodness I LOVE that show. A show built around some serious friendships and lots of love.
This morning I was so glad that I made that choice. I chose to live vicariously through fictional characters instead of getting drunk and dreaming that I was in another world.
I had an interview today at a different college. Things look good. No, actually they are looking great. This program is so tailored for me. I know I'm on a path that I can survive.
Sometimes life happens suddenly.
Never underestimate life. You can't figure it out. You can't plan for it. You can't let it take you down. All you can do is LIVE it. And do your best to handle everything it throws at you with grace. As much grace as you can muster at the moment.
Failing out of RN school was humbling and humiliating, but I made a decision when I began this journey. I promised myself that I would NOT quit and I won't. I will not give up until I am a registered nurse.
Thomas Edison once said, "I failed my way to success." Those are words that I intend to live by.
I want to share with you one of my favorite poems. It is deep. I read it several times over to allow it to seep into me. For it's reality to hit. It strengthens me. It gives me hope. It feeds me with determination. Maybe it will you too.
Invictus – the poem
by William Earnest Henley
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud,
Under the bludgeoning of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
Invictus is Latin for undefeated. Life can throw many things at you but in the end it is ultimately your decision on how you handle life. You can allow your circumstances to control you or you can fight back and take what you were meant to have. It just depends on how badly you want it.