Small details of my life. And believe me, even though I've been blogging since 2007, very little of me, my life, my family and my friends are captured here. I love that I have some sort of record of my life but I do wish that I had the time or took the time to share a little more. The one thing I hope is that one day my children, grandchildren and even great and great great grandchildren will be able to look back and get somewhat of a feel of the lives we live.
I hope that the love shines forth more than the struggles.
I hope that the Lord shines through most of all.
I've been missing Him lately. We aren't in church anywhere right now and even though I say that you do not have to be in church to love and serve the Lord, unless you are very dedicated it's easy to stop praying, talking, asking and thanking.
This past year has brought a lot of hatred into my heart. As you read through my blog the beginnings were of my deliverance. Now it seems I've become entangled again with the bondage the Lord set me free of.
So many people being cruel. So many accusations. Remembering at 42 that life is not fair. It's not about what you deserve. Innocent people are found guilty. Many lives are ruined due to the cruelty of others. I've never understood it. I've always tried to good unto others, to be forgiving, to help in any way I could.
I love friends. I have some great friends but one lesson I forgot was that there are wolves in sheep's clothing. Sometimes the friend you trust the most is the meanest, ugliest, liars in the world. You can't see it though because you are blinded, blinded so that all you see is a false good, and you hear false truths from their lips. And you are not their only victim. You fall so far from where you were, making horrible decisions, getting caught up in the lies thinking somehow that you are special. That you mean more to them than anyone in the world.
You bare your heart and soul to them only to be exposed, used, hurt, mangled and not only you but all of those you love are hurt too.
You knew God's word.
You didn't obey.
You strengthened your flesh and abandoned your faith.
Mistakes. Some of the worst mistakes of your life and you can't take them back. Then the hate sets in. Hatred because you were a fool. Hatred because you didn't obey. Hatred because you believed someone to be something they absolutely were not and never will be.
You beg God for forgiveness. You know He forgives and forgets but can you ever forgive yourself? You have to, sometime on a daily basis. The only way I know to survive is to obey more than ever. To turn from those people and those sins and never look back.
You have to muster up the strength in God to pray for them, to pray blessing upon them. Sadly you wish they didn't know what they did but they do. They know. They are evil and they choose. It was a plot, a plan, it was premeditated.
It's a huge battle. A spiritual war.
I let down my guard some time ago. Actually years ago. I've suffered and those I love have suffered many consequences. Even now they still come and I am sure there will be more to bare.
It's easy to blame them but I am the one who allowed them to mislead me. I gave in to sin. I have to take responsibility for my actions.
I praise God that I am forgiven.
I'm forgiven now.
I'm putting my armor back on.
I'm praying for the Lord to fill me with Love. His love. The only thing that drives out fear and hatred is HIS LOVE.
It's cold outside. Tomorrow school is on a two hours delay. I know many times my blog words blur. I branch off from one thing to another. The things I speak of today happened years ago. It is this last year, the year of 2013 that I truly reaped much of what I sewed. This is when the anger overtook me. The anger was so bad I almost had a breaking point. I almost let it take me down. I was rock bottom. The Lord pursued me with a vengeance. How I love my Father. Thank-You Lord for NOT letting me go. You could have, you had every reason to, I turned my back on You and you could have given me over to myself but You did not. I praise You for that.
Lead us Lord. Lead my husband. Bring us back to You and allow to surpass the place that we were onto serving others and loving others in Your name. Lead us and show us the way.
1 Peter 1:22 Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart,
1 John 4:7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.
Matthew 5:43-48 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.