June 30, 2007

Heaven is leaving

Well I worked on another blog entry today and published it but it isn't showing up on my page. I'm confused as to what exactly is going on with it. It isn't a draft, it specifically says its published but where it is I just don't know.

Heaven is leaving Monday. I know all the things I'm suppose to know but still yet I'm struggling with her leaving. She has grown up so fast and life it feels as though its just passing me by at times. I look into the mirror each day and I see this old body aging and yet inside I still feel like this little girl. Some days I'm screaming to get out and for time to just stop and stand still for a little while and give me some time to catch up with myself but it never happens. I'm highly emotional, tears just come whenever they choose whether I want them to or not. I feel quite silly at times since I know my Father, His comfort and His word and yet I feel as though I'm out here in the middle of no where with no control. And maybe that is what is wrong, no control. And yet I wouldn't even know what that was like because I've never had control, He has always had control. That should bring me peace though. Nothing is making sense to me. I sleep but I don't rest. I eat but I don't get full. I'm ok and yet I don't feel ok. So I look around and check, and sure enough I'm fine. How can I feel so many things at once? How can I be so happy and so proud of my daughter, so thankful that she is listening to God and fulfilling her purpose and yet feel so lost? This flesh is heavy at times.

I'll post more about her trip and link some information on it as it becomes available.

5 comments:

annie said...

It's hard to watch them leave. When Amanda left for Canada I was so torn between being proud of her, being a little afraid to be that far away from her and just wanting to go too... I had to give it all to God and know that His protection was all she would need. Those two weeks went so fast, too fast in her opinion and I am so glad she went. I will pray for Heaven's trip too!

Susanne said...

Oh Jenileigh, as you know, I know exactly what you are going through. It's a tough one. And I think you hit the nail on the head with the control thing. But I have to remember that Kay is ultimately His daughter first and He is ever present and omniscient and He will be with her.

I'll pray for you and you pray for me and us mom's will get through our girl's growing up! :v)

eph2810 said...

I totally understand what you mean. Sometimes I am so 'lost' and I forget things. Many emotions at once...
I pray that you will find peace and strength in Him as your daughter will be away.
Be blessed today and always.

Irritable Mother said...

Just tonight my husband pointed out that our daughter's "time with is" is half "over." (She's eleven.) That thought makes me feel kinda strange, too.
At times I feel so young and then I turn around and think about my daughter being over half way to "grown up"...I prefer roller coasters to stay in amusement parks rather than in my emotions! I'm so glad God isn't changing and I can always rely on HIM!

Lynn said...

Jenileigh,

This is such a real life post. I will be broken up when my daughter heads out on her own.

I feel it can be easier knowing there are other moms who went before me and help me through it. Thank you.