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Then today I found myself in the midst of a battle. It'd been so long since the devil contested me I'd forgotten how quickly your feet can be knocked out from under you. It was in that moment, that moment of weakness, frustration, anger, and surrender that I fell. I gave in. I didn't even think. I just threw my hands in the air in frustration and pulled into the gas station. Yes, I know that is vague. Just know, I pulled into the gas station for a reason and it wasn't gas.
I had to make myself breathe. I had to control my temper. It was so hard.
It was afterwards that I realized that it was a battle. I hadn't even fought in it. I just gave in. I just gave up.
I spent the ride home listening to my husband's bluegrass band, "Almost There" cd. I praised the Lord. I repented. I did what I could do. Then I gave the rest to Him.
When I got home my husband was the pillar of strength. He comforted me, held me, and reassured me that no matter what happened all would be well. I took a nice, long, hot bath.
I'm feeling much better now. Stronger.
I pray that I can recognize the battle coming the next time. That I can turn to the Lord earlier for His wisdom and His strength.
Right now though I'm thankful for His forgiveness, His mercy and His grace. What an awesome God I serve.
1 comment:
Dear Jenileigh,
Thank you for how honestly you shared in your blog post. We all have different vices and battles can relate to your post whether our vices or battles are the same or not. I think that in my life, when things get to feeling comfortable, Satan thinks he can sneak into my life and trip me up to work a subtle wedge in my relationship with God. That happened to me recently. Fortunately, God showed me what was happening, but I was frustrated when I found that I had slipped back into that old routine. Fortunately, God showed me what was happening before I got pulled too far into my old battle/vice. Debbie Seiling
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