Sometimes it's so easy to forget how the battles come. Things are so good, life so sweet, and you get so wrapped up in enjoying every moment. I know I've been sharing lately about how the Lord is wooing me back to Him. It's hard to explain everything in a blog. We've been with two different churches and aren't attending anywhere right now. For me, it gets a little lonely and easier to stray. Last night I spent some time with the Lord, time in prayer, worshipping. It was so sweet. I have some things in my life I know I need to turn from and I do need to focus more on my relationship with the Lord and His plan for my life and my husband's. I pondered these things and I can feel the Lord changing the desires of my heart. I love how He does that. How he takes away the urges and breaks chains and sets you free.
Then today I found myself in the midst of a battle. It'd been so long since the devil contested me I'd forgotten how quickly your feet can be knocked out from under you. It was in that moment, that moment of weakness, frustration, anger, and surrender that I fell. I gave in. I didn't even think. I just threw my hands in the air in frustration and pulled into the gas station. Yes, I know that is vague. Just know, I pulled into the gas station for a reason and it wasn't gas.
I had to make myself breathe. I had to control my temper. It was so hard.
It was afterwards that I realized that it was a battle. I hadn't even fought in it. I just gave in. I just gave up.
I spent the ride home listening to my husband's bluegrass band, "Almost There" cd. I praised the Lord. I repented. I did what I could do. Then I gave the rest to Him.
When I got home my husband was the pillar of strength. He comforted me, held me, and reassured me that no matter what happened all would be well. I took a nice, long, hot bath.
I'm feeling much better now. Stronger.
I pray that I can recognize the battle coming the next time. That I can turn to the Lord earlier for His wisdom and His strength.
Right now though I'm thankful for His forgiveness, His mercy and His grace. What an awesome God I serve.
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