The Crud

It's spring fever.  That is what the name of it is.  And when you've got it, you want - oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!  ~Mark Twain

Ugh. I have caught the crud. Terrible cold in my head, sinuses and chest. I feel so weak you'd think I also had the flu. It's been through the whole house. Tony, V, Meadow and me. It seems like this stuff just lasts forever. I've done nothing all week but wallow around the house, sleep, laze, watch T.V., cough, manage a shower here and there and make it back into my pjs. I will be so glad when this mess passes.

It's been so cold. That old groundhog was full of hogwash. lol Not that I put any stock into that stuff anyway. But just the same old man winter has chosen to hang around as absolutely long as he can. I've never been one to complain about the winter. I love the cold and the snow. Or maybe I use to and I've just changed. It does seem as time has gone by I much prefer the warmer environments as opposed to the bitter cold of winter. My body seems to ache, my fingers and toes go numb, and I can't get warm.

I long for the spring air, the beautiful chirping birds, the buzzing bees, the gorgeous flowers, and the glorious sunshine. I long to close my eyes and bask in the warm heat. Maybe take a long walk.

Soon.

Spring is coming soon.

My Easter Boy

Isn't he the most handsome little man you've ever seen? His outfit rocks. He reminds me of the way men use to dress back in the 50's and 60's. He turned every single head of every person that saw him that day.

Funny though, that we were going to have his Easter pictures made with the sweetest duckies, bunnies, and a beautiful lamb. Once we got there Treyton would have nothing to do with the animals so we opted for the colorful jellybean scene! It turned out perfect just the same.

I hope to have pictures to post of the Easter Egg Party that his mom is throwing him this year.

Happy Easter! 2013

I Get Up Again

"I get knocked down but I get up again".....I can hear that song playing in my mind.

Yes, I failed out of RN school. But praise God I was accepted to another! Sometimes the smallest steps are the hardest ones to take. I've simply had a transfer.

It hasn't been an easy transition and I haven't handled things as well as I should, or could have but I made it. The Lord knows my future even when I don't. I'm so thankful for His mercy and grace on me.

"You are valuable because you exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are." –Max Lucado

I praise Him that it is not of anything I could or should do, but simply because I am. I am feeling as though a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Snuggled up resting in His arms.

Thank-you every one for your prayers.

Falling In and Climbing Out

Yesterday was one of those days that I felt so down. I wanted to drink. I wanted to really drink. I felt as though I needed a release. I needed to get away. I needed to escape. It's strange how strong that feeling can be sometimes. I haven't shared a lot about it because honestly, most of the time, I try to deny it. To pretend it isn't there, that it never existed.

THANKFULLY.......

Instead, I found my release in One Tree Hill. Goodness I LOVE that show. A show built around some serious friendships and lots of love.

This morning I was so glad that I made that choice. I chose to live vicariously through fictional characters instead of getting drunk and dreaming that I was in another world.

I had an interview today at a different college. Things look good. No, actually they are looking great. This program is so tailored for me. I know I'm on a path that I can survive.

Sometimes life happens suddenly.

Suddenly.

Never underestimate life. You can't figure it out. You can't plan for it. You can't let it take you down. All you can do is LIVE it. And do your best to handle everything it throws at you with grace. As much grace as you can muster at the moment.

Failing out of RN school was humbling and humiliating, but I made a decision when I began this journey. I promised myself that I would NOT quit and I won't. I will not give up until I am a registered nurse.

Thomas Edison once said, "I failed my way to success." Those are words that I intend to live by.

I want to share with you one of my favorite poems. It is deep. I read it several times over to allow it to seep into me. For it's reality to hit. It strengthens me. It gives me hope. It feeds me with determination. Maybe it will you too.

Invictus – the poem

by William Earnest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud,

Under the bludgeoning of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

Invictus is Latin for undefeated. Life can throw many things at you but in the end it is ultimately your decision on how you handle life. You can allow your circumstances to control you or you can fight back and take what you were meant to have. It just depends on how badly you want it. 

Time Away

“Our memories of the ocean will linger on, long after our footprints in the sand are gone.”

--Anonymous

Much needed time away. Not much longer now. I am so excited to know we are leaving soon and yet I am patiently waiting for I know it will fly by. I want to enjoy every single moment. I want time to stand still while we are there. It's been so long. I know it's worth the wait. I'm going to make it a goal that we never go this long without a vacation again. We use to make it a point to go every single year. That is going to be a new goal of mine.

“The Sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever.”

--Jacques Cousteau

Floating Along

Feeling a little better but things are still the same as they were in Days go By. Not much change in my situation but I'm feeling better so that is the most important thing.

I have hope. I have things in the makings and we will see how things go. It's just good to feel lighter. Making decisions is so hard for me. In the midst I feel as though I was weighted down by the whole world. My biggest fear is making the wrong decision. Afraid that my decision will cause me or my family great regret.

If you are a reader of my blog you know by now that making decisions isn't my forte. It the hardest part, next to not having control over things. lol Both of those are hard for me.

Right now I'm taking a breather.

I will soon be here:

Enjoying the sound of the ocean waves, the smell of the salty air, the feel of the wind blowing through my hair, the taste of salt on my lips, my feet in the sand, hand and hand with my husband. Nothing can top that. Bring on the beach!

I have appointments as soon as I return that will reveal the next steps of my future.

Time will tell.

"At the beach, life is different. Time doesn’t move hour to hour but mood to moment. We live by the currents, plan by the tides, and follow the sun." -Anonymous

Sleepy Boy

Oh how I love my sleepy little boy. 

Days Go By

Psalm 143:7-8 – Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I’ll lift up my soul.

This month has drug by so slowly. I have been so down. Real down.

This last week I've been depressed, so sad, weak, and helpless.

I study, I read, do quizzes, case studies, NCLEX practice questions, but it seems as though none of it matters.

I hate feeling this way. Like I'm failing, drowning and there is nothing I can do to save me.

I've been thinking a lot lately. I mean reality has to hit sooner or later right? If I can't pass these tests then I'm going to fail out of school.

That thought hurts. It's also embarrassing.

I battle. Do I quit? Do I drop out? Can I pull my averages up? Am I wasting my time?

I promised myself one thing from the beginning, and that was, that I would not quit.

No matter what.

I would not quit.

I never knew it would be this hard.

This week has been a very emotional week. I've struggled. Really struggled.

Today, I don't have any answers. I have no inspiration.

But I know the One who does. He hasn't shared them with me yet but He will. Until then, I'll lean on Him, and trust in Him, because I know He is holding me, protecting me, and leading my foot steps.

I don't know what my future holds but I praise the Lord that He holds my future.

Snowy Beauty

Isaiah 1:18 Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

Last night we got a little surprise. They were calling for ice but we got snow. I think a little ice came in before the snow hit but the snow is so billowing and beautiful.

Tony was off work, I am out of school, Savannah Sky is home, and school was canceled for Meadow.

Family Day.

I love them.

Few and far between.

Meadow has been a little under the weather for over a week now. Cold with sore throat and continuous cough. She has a doctors appointment in an hour. Tony and I are going to upgrade our cell phones. I think it's time for the Droid! I'm oober excited.

Meadow has been asked to go on a mini vacation with one of her good friends from school. They are going snow tubing, spending the night in a hotel, eating out and possibly going tubing again the next day. I am so thankful for opportunities like this. I know she is going to have a blast. She leaves in the morning.

Tony and I have decided that we are going to the beach for a few days over spring break. I cannot wait. We are planning to take his mom as well. The beach is her favorite place and she has not been in 13 years. I talked to her yesterday about it and she was so excited.

God is good. We are so blessed to be able to enjoy the life we live together. Family, so tightly knit together.

Guess I need to get ready to head out, and prepare for studying this evening and weekend. Unless we head back out to Honduras Coffee Shop tonight. Another musician is playing and I LOVE the folk music and the company.

Oh, I almost forgot. I am going to share a couple of pictures of our snow. It's not a lot but it is definitely enough. I enjoy the serenity of it.

 

 

Our trees in our back yard. 

 

 

Meadow's foot prints on our back porch off of our kitchen.

New Look!

I love the new look! The saying fits me and my mood perfectly. Content with today but knowing Spring is coming.

No matter how long the Winter, Spring is SURE TO FOLLOW! 

I love it. It feels good. The new look feels good. Knowing that Spring Break is just around the corner feels great! 

Even though nursing school is beyond the hardest thing I've ever imagined in my entire life, I am going to focus on the blessings of school. Having the schedule helps so much with my depression. Even when I have that time of the month, sick days, bad days, I get up and go anyway. For those who might know me, this is a HUGE achievement for me. 

Friends. I would have never ever guessed the new friends that the Lord was going to place into my life before attending nursing school. Not just one or two but so many I couldn't count. I had always heard how much competition was in nursing school but I have found that we all strive to help one another. Anything we can say, do, or offer to make things easier on each other we do and give freely. The spirit at school is beautiful. 

Teachers. I feel the exact same way about my teachers. The tests that I struggle so hard to pass are examples of what my NCLEX exam will be like. I will have to pass that STATE BOARD to become an RN AFTER I have graduated their program. I know that they are doing everything that they can to prepare me to pass and to become the best RN that I can be. 

Family. My family has hurt, cried, laughed, supported, hid, cooked, cleaned, washed and done everything imaginable to help me. I love them so much. So many times I have wanted to quit but I just keep reminding myself that nursing school is NOT forever. I am doing this FOR them. It will pay off in the end. 

God. I have had to rely on my Father so much in the last year. More than ever before. He works mighty miracles right before my eyes. He is so good. 

I'm heading to church now. I need to feast on His word. 

Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow! 

Over and Over

It's strange that everytime I say that this is THE hardest week, it isn't. It's just the hardest week up to that point. Everytime I think it can't get worse it can. I'd convinced myself I was too far behind to catch up this time. Not behind because I'm not working and studying, but behind because I simply cannot score high enough on my tests.

UGH!

The frustration is indescribable. I get 100's on quizzes, 95's on Case Studies, but I can't pass a stinking test.

Double UGH!

I've got to do something different. I'm reading, studying, writing, making flash cards, everything I know to do. Those questions kill me.

I had done my math wrong though and I'm still in the game.

Very in the game.

God reminded me once again. It is not through me that I do this. It is through HIM!

I feel much better now. The week is winding down and in two weeks I'll have spring break and a whole entire week off. Ahh.......

Happy Birthday Momma!

We woke up early Saturday morning. I was so excited. It was my momma's birthday. We fixed her a breakfast of biscuits, gravy, bacon, and eggs. She works third, got off work and came straight by the house. We had a surprise for her. We got her a vase of purple tulips and white gerber daisies and a birthday cake. I don't get to see my sweet momma as often as I want to and I wanted her to know how very much we love and miss her. She is precious to my soul. 

Happy Birthday Momma! 

We love you so much! 

Happy Valentine's Day

Tony got me the BIGGEST card eva for V-day. It was half as big as me. He always gets the girls and I a little something. I love him. Then came the Stargazers and pink roses. My absolute favorite. The stress from nursing school has been so over bearing I took a night off.

Then we all went to Honduras Coffee Shop for their Front Porch Festivities. I needed the break so bad. Heaven and Matt, Matt's family, Tony and I, his friend Barry. We had a ball. And we were home in bed before midnight.

The hubby and I 

My Son in Law's brother David, Me, Heaven.

Barry and Tony

Losing Weight

I've shared bits and pieces of my weight loss journey over the years. Often times I by pass writing about that part because I have had no real success over the past 6 years that I've been blogging. I'm up and down, I try different plans, but I don't stick to anything. Changing your way of eating is one of the hardest things ever to do. Sugar is more powerful than the strongest drug. I overcome my addiction in spurts but never truly over come it. It reminds me of the alcoholic, on and off the wagon. One taste and you're gone, you are on a week binge. There is no recovering from it, because the cravings, the stress, the relief when you eat sugar to relieve your stress.

Well, I'm back on the wagon praise God! With all the trouble I've had in nursing school-the brain fog, the exhaustion, the inability to recall what I've studied, I decided that I had to try something different.

My nursing buddy that the Lord gifted me with had wanted to lose weight and talked about different things since we began school last August. She's begged me to do something with but in my mind there was absolutely no way I could tackle anything else.

After reading and studying some more I came across something called the Whole 30. It reminded me so much of the low carb eating that I was use to doing and I remembered the cleared mind that eliminating sugar and simple carbohydrates would bring. I decided to go to the Atkin's diet to lose the weight and implement the Whole 30 into is as we go.

We are drinking nothing but water. No diet soda. I have had a cup of decaf with Splenda but that is only a once a week thing. The next step is add in the exercise. That step is always the hardest because of TIME. And it's not like you look forward to doing it in the beginning. Once I get going, I love a good work out. I like to sweat when I'm dressed for it. Sweating in regular clothes sucks though. :)

We are over a week in and through the withdrawals of caffeine. We are going hard through day 14 using the Induction Phase of Atkin's diet. It's working well. Today I hit the 5 pound mark. It's amazing to me how the body works. You take away those sugar carbs and it reverts to burning the actual body fat for energy. My brain fog is gone. My retention and understanding of what I am studying is stronger. I have more energy, which is crazy but makes sense at the same time because I have so much body fat to burn! roflol

I'll focus on doing a weekly update on the weight loss.

It feels good to be doing something about it.

This rest of this semester will show if this new way of eating helps me in the grade department. :)

Isaiah 41:10  fear not, for I am with you;  be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you,  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Love is so Sweet

With all of the stress of my life each day it's wonderful to have a day that goes so well. I've made it through 3 of my 4 days of school this week. Definitely not an easy week but it's almost over. This evening I come home and have the most wonderful fellowship with my family. Time spent with Meadow until she went to church and then Tony and I really enjoyed each other's company. Sadly it had been a while since we were able to sit and talk and just laugh and goof off.

It was nice. More than nice...I just don't have words.

In RN nursing school you honestly don't have a life outside of studying. It really makes you appreciate those sweet moments in between.

I've also been working on building my blog up. After going back and reading past posts, it really made me appreciate my accounts of our life. I think I'm doing pretty good with everything I have going on.

I have another quiz in the morning and another test next week. So... short and sweet. it's been a good week.

And an especially good night.....

The Need for Net, Will You Help?

One of the most frequent health problems we face here in Uganda is carried through a mosquito.  

It causes chills, fever, and body aches.

Many people are affected by the disease and would be able to tell you in detail how miserable it is.

Malaria.

Although many times it is easily managed and treated,
there are times when it causes life-long damage or even death.

Children who were once normal may now experience
cerebral palsy-type symptoms, being unable to walk
or even talk for the rest of their lives.

Some who went to school and excelled
may now struggle and fall behind due to mental delays.
These are real children who's faces we know
and we call them by name.

This year, Amazima is saying ENOUGH to Malaria.
Our aim is to provide enough mosquito nets to every family 
in our sponsorship program so that none of them have to be 
exposed while they sleep to the risk of malaria. 

Will you help us?

Our goal is to raise money for 400 mosquito nets; 
enough for one mosquito net for every two children in each sponsored family.  

One net costs around $7.  

Think about that.  

Seven dollars that will protect two kids for years to come.  Whether you can provide one net or one hundred nets, we can assure you that it will make a difference to the ones we work with and love so dearly. To say "enough" to malaria, click HERE and designate your gift towards Medical Care.* 

 This is me Jenileigh now. Everyone that knows me knows that I have a heart for Uganda. Savannah Sky spent a month there. While reading on Amazima today I read this. I'm passing it along for those eyes that may come across my page, that do not cross theirs. Please read the post below and please find a way in your heart to donate $7 for to protect two children from malaria. Post and share with me if you do. I can do so little right now being in school full time and living on one income but this week I am going to donate $21. That will be enough to protect 6 children.  I pray the Lord leads and guides your heart to help protect these precious children. And if you cannot give PRAY! I'd also love to hear from you if you pray for them. May God bless you each greatly and multiply your gift back to you two fold! 

Stressful Overload

This past week has been nothing but hell. Everyday was so stressful. I talked myself down each day telling myself that I had to remember to take things one day at time. You simply can't get ahead in your thought process.

I had to give medicines this week. My pt had over twenty. We have to learn everything about each med that we give. I gave medicines four times that day. I only had 2 hours of sleep after learning everything I had to know. The anticipation of it all is overwhelming. Hoping you don't forget something, a class, a category, a word you can't spell or pronounce. But, I made it through.

The hardest part this week was the test we had in Med Surg. I studied my bum off for that test, learning everything I possibly could about acids, bases, electrolytes, fluids, normal levels, abnormal levels, acidosis, alkalosis, respiratory, metabolic, how to read ABGs. I thought I was well prepared for my test. I sat down to take it and after reading the first 5 questions I knew I was doomed. I thought to myself, "What in the heck is this? I don't recall studying any of this stuff." Thankfully I wasn't the only one. Out of an average of 40 people only 9 passed. So it was graded on a curve. And even after they added 12.9 pts to my test I still failed. I just praise God for those points because they brought my grade to a level that I can pull up.

I was so upset over my grade, once again, 4 weeks into my semester I almost walked out. Had my current score stuck I'm pretty positive that I would have been doomed because I couldn't fathom how on earth I could pull that score up. God is so good me. He surrounds me with wonderful support and great friends. My new nursing buddy cried with me, encouraged me and challenged me and I'm so thankful I stuck it out. God always come through. He amazes me at how He controls things from behind the scenes.

So now I'm back to the grind, studying away for next weeks quizzes and tests. So much to do all the time. I'll also have a patho due. The greatest thing is that in the middle of it all I'm learning so much. I may not be learning it all but I'm learning a lot. A WHOLE LOT.

I have such a heart for nursing. I know this is what I want to do. I flourish in the setting.

My lab teacher called me in for our weekly chat about how things went and she was so encouraging. She told me that I was doing excellent and that she could see how hard I was trying. That makes such a big difference for me.

I praise God week 4 is over!

I pray to God that next week is gentler and that I can rest well and PASS those quizzes and tests.

I can do this through Christ and Christ alone who strengthens me and drives me. I love You Lord!

Happy 45th Birthday Tony

I love you so much!

We spent the day as a family all snuggled in our den. Our heat pump is out and the temps inside dropped below 50 degrees. We moved our mattresses in the den, lit the fireplace and turned on the electric heater to keep warm. Those are the best memories.

Worth Remembering

This is so hard for me to keep in mind. I'm such a peace keeper. I can get angry but the anger never lasts. I am so forgiving. In forgiving, my heart wants to jump out there and and fix the relationships too. Sometimes, things are best left alone. I'm thankful that the Lord has moved the people He has out of my life. People who took from me, used my words against me, talked about me behind my back, and never thought of me as a true friend to begin with. I was laughed and mocked. I was envied and attacked. I was accused when I pursued and tried so hard to offer my all as a friend. I always wondered why I wasn't good enough. But that's okay. The Lord has always had His hand upon me to protect me.

One of my favorite ways the Lord has protected me is through my husband. My husband always shares his heart with me and warns me of what the Lord shows him in the spirit. I've always insisted on learning my own lessons the hard way. It's taken me some time, but in hindsight I can see how right my husband was and I can spend our future trusting his guidance which comes from the Lord. 

So, I don't have to patch up things that other people tore. I just have to forgive and love from the distance God sets between us. And I do still love those that are gone.

God has in turn replaced those people He removed, with people who want me as a friend, appreciate my friendship, and offer me the same friendship and love in return.

Proverbs 18:24 "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly : and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."

My Newest Blog Discovery

Everyone knows that one of my favorite blogs to read is Katie's Kisses-The Journey. She lives a dream that I once had in my own heart as a child. The great visions that I had I see come true through her. Because of her, I have a heart for Uganda and it's people. I know that the Lord changed my path of going to school to become a Dental Hygienist because He has greater plans to use me over seas as a nurse. I may never be full time like Katie but I will meet her one day. I will see the ground of Uganda and allow the Lord to use me for His people.

A sweet friend of mine shared another blog today on her facebook. As I read it brought to mind Katie and her journey and I realized how many missionaries there are that actually give their lives full time into ministry. When we homeschooled we read many stories of old missionaries that experienced the divine move of God, heard His audible voice, and seen miracles that we only read about in God's word.

It never stopped.

Why yes, I knew this, but..... some how I guess it hadn't sunk in.

I love reading of the journeys that others take that I can only at the present dream of.

Now, I'm not saying that I am not used here and now by and for the Lord but I can admit that I am not totally immersed in Him.

If you want to be stirred. If you want to be fed. Share in the journey of these ladies who have given their all. Pray for these countries that have no medical care. Pray for the children that are sold as sex slaves and that have no hope or future.

Read Life That Matters and you will see what I mean.

Father God awaken us. Create in me a hunger. Draw me close to Thee and use me for Your purposes. Let me be a light that shines. I have several that I see everyday that need You. Open the doors. Prepare their hearts. In Jesus name. Amen.

(All of the blogs in my blog roll column have something to offer, so if you are ever hunting check them out.)

Hump Day!

Praise God for short hump days! Tomorrow will be a long day of classes for me then I'll be off for a three day weekend. Ahhh

I'm taking Friday off with dear hubby and some friends. I so need a day of total rest and relaxation.

Then the weekend will be spent studying.

I've been getting to spend a lot of time with my little ham of a grandson. I was in One Day Surgery yesterday and had to come home and do a report on my day, having it turned in by 8 am this morning. Treyton spent the night. That little booger was bound and determined that I was not going to type my report up. He was one little stinker.

So, Meadow came to my rescue and started playing dress up with Treyton and my oh my, you have just got to see what she came up with for him. He had so much fun. He was laughing and posing. He absolutely loves having his picture made and playing with his auntie Meadow. Here are a couple of their pictures.

 I just love these!

I did finally get my paper done and managed to get in bed by midnight. Getting up is easy, it's making it home without falling asleep that is the hard part. :)